Monday, July 28, 2008

What does this MEAN, anyway?

In general, I have a lot of things on my mind at any given moment.

Like right now, I'm simutaneously thinking the following things:

1. I should not have eaten brownies for breakfast.
2. I wonder if it's bad that the baby is still in just a diaper and it's after lunch?
3. I bet my sister and I are the only people on earth who like to peel skin after a sunburn.
4. Does my Facebook picture look stupid?
5. I wonder if there's anything good on tv tonight.
6. Why am I wondering? It's July. Of course not. Duh.

If only I was making that up.

But the biggest thing I have on my mind right now is this: What if all the security words on other people's blog comment boxes mean something in the Google powered universe? What do those words really mean?

For some reason, my computer pops up two comment boxes every time I click to read comments. (I can't prove it, but I blame Vista). This means I see a lot of these scrambled, wavy security words every day. I collected a few, and now I'm providing what I'm pretty sure are their definitions:

Bkmcj: something you spread on crackers
Vnfeh: a color that looks particularly nice in living room drapery
Cykzz: a cousin to a gnat, but it's purple and louder
Vkljrrje: an aggresive strain of computer virus
Xohpwe: a tribe of peaceful people whose primary deity is vaguely equine
Dxpfj: an exclamation on par with the British, "Piffle," and is equally outmoded
Ikmid: an adjective to describe a guy at a party who is trying too hard
Qfsnbdf: a small village, formerly a whaling hub, now restored with people roaming around in costume offering posies and nosegays

Iymxlfyo: your condition if the vkljrrje gets you. Don't say this in polite company
eahzukud: an ear dwelling parasite that thrives on wax and hibernating beach sand
Efrwuc: a tasty holiday treat that's a cross between a scone and a falafel

So it took me approximately six minutes to define those words. (Not counting the twenty seconds it took each time to add a new security word to a growing list. Or the time spent reading and commenting on other people's blogs.) Which means I don't have nearly enough other important things to think about.

Um, that's not true, either. I should be writing the climax for my story, but I hate drama so I'm avoiding it. How come even a primarily comic work has to have serious stuff in it?

Because you're trying to write a GOOD story.

Oh, yeah.


Kimberly said...

Remind me never to challenge you to a game of Balderdash. Wow.

I like to peel the skin off after a sunburn too.

I've considered getting burned on purpose before, which is just -sick-.

Jill said...

1. First of all, anything chocolate is perfectly acceptable as breakfast food. In fact, it's preferred.
2. Don't worry too much about the diaper thing until at least 2:00. (Unless it's so full that it's dragging on the ground, and then you might want to take a look at it, or, teach him to change it himself)
3. I also like to peel skin after a sunburn. It doesn't even need to be my own skin. Does that make me a bad person?
5. No. But seriously, is there ever?

You could fix that vista thing by buying a Macintosh computer. Haven't you seen the commercials?

Some of those word verification things look somewhat obscene. I think they might be swear words in a different language.

I do, however, really like your definitions.


Kenny said...

You're funny, wife! I like you.

Remember the time when I started putting my mp3 player on random shuffle and I became convinced it was attempting to communicate with me through song title choice?

...and you thought I was crazy?



p.s. still, you have to admit it was kind of creepy when the mp3 player choose Pink Floyd's "Goodbye, Cruel World" and then the battery died!!!

p.p.s jghxttk - the mysterious leftover parts after you've taken apart your computer/stereo/carburator and then put it back together again.

Nancy said...

I am excited to play Scrabble with you some time. Have you tried Bananagrams?

Allen can beat me now and then and Martha beats me on a regular basis. We play online.

dphlblm - a modest gold to yellow flower about 3 inches in diameter, with a tiny red bloom in the center

I think I am going to have to give up chocolate - there were 2 Hershey bars left from smores at the camping trip. Allen went to look for a bite and couldn't find anything....who me? (and Martha!!)

vwhbvm - an old car that has lost its get up and go.

Don said...

These are absolutely choice. Thanks for taking the time to share them.

I'll refrain from commenting on anything else except the baby in the diaper - it's summer, let it go. If I had a yearling's physique, I'd want to dress like that, too.

(Commenting with sutryzh, a hip, cool, post-surgical spray-on bandage.)

Julie Wright said...

OKay this whole post made me laugh and choke on the dr pepper I am currently consuming. I get two comment windows too and it is totally Vista's fault!!!! My laptop crashed and burned and I had to get a new one, and it has vista on it. I am not one to embrace change! ACK!!!!!

Oh and Kvsjk. A pop quiz the teacher gives that has nothing to do with the class, makes you sweat during the entire exam because you know you're going to fail, and then turns out to be nothing more than a sick joke.

charrette said...

Love the definitions! Hilarious, and creative.
I'll never look at those random words the same way again.

That said, umm, you need a Mac.

Melanie's Sister said...

funny. I got sunburned last Friday, and have been waiting for it to start peeling so that I can peel it.