If I have two apples and take one away, will anyone care?

I'm going to defy common sense and blog etiquette and put my dirty laundry out there for all of you to see. My husband and I had a fight last night and now I'm going to let it ALL hang out. Because I have a blog and I can.

It started innocently enough. We were watching American Idol and a contestant said they were going to give 110%. This really bothered Kenny. It did not bother me. This began the fight.

Kenny has a problem with 110% only when it comes to people, not pie. I know, because he explained it to me in a very detailed analogy. Apparently, you can give someone 110% of a pie if it's just a regular old pie. You know....apple or key lime or something, and you have more of them laying around.

Mmmmm.....key lime....

Oh, okay. I'm back.

Anyway, giving someone 110% of a pie is just giving them a whole pie plus a tenth of another pie that's the same kind. BUT, if it was a really unique pie, the only one of it's kind in the pantry (or display case if you do pies the way I do), then you can't give 110% of that pie. You can only give 100% of that particular pie. There's no more to give.

Are you following this so far?

Do you like that I'm asking you that as if I'm even going to stop and wait for the answer while I'm typing this? Because I'm not. Just in case you thought I was. Not because I don't care, though. Just because...um, well, that wouldn't make sense.

Anyway, according to Kenny, people are like pies in that we are completely unique and so we can only give 100% of ourselves and nothing more. You can't take 10% of someone else and give that too to make it 110%. This bothers him.

I think his logic is fine. But I think he is wrong to be bothered by this because I think 110% is an excellent metaphor. I don't take it literally (Annette) and I don't think most other people do, either. What the metaphor says to me is that you wring out every last drop of your effort and after you've given it everything you've got, then you dig a little bit deeper and find just a little something more than what you thought you had. I think it's a very nice metaphor, actually.

Hmmmm....I guess it's more of a cliche. But whatever. I don't mind when people say they gave 110% because I understand the level of effort they're indicating. I hate 150% though, because it ruins the metaphor. And I'm not going to even explain why because this is a stupid post.

Please don't worry, though. We've decided to stay together for the sake of the children. After all, I said going into this marriage that I would always give 110%.

Ain't too proud to beg...

Um...remember when you guys liked me and stuff? And you know...like, commented? Remember that? Think back before the turkey and the bad decisions regarding extra dessert helpings to the time before Thanksgiving when you used to wander by and drop a comment or two...

For the first time in months, I feel the need to remind you that there's a minimum comment rule before I move on, since you're probably all waiting with bated breath. And also, since I'm hoping the lack of comments yesterday is because I fell down a blogger black hole and you were just unaware of my post and not because you all thought it sucked, I direct your attention to the post below and I need to remind you that although TWO of the awesomest commenters in the world put their two cents in, it would be SUPER great if TEN of the awesomest commenters in the world put their two cents in so we can move on to my serious addiction to inappropriate stuff that I will spill here because I have no shame. I can rock a run-on sentence, btw.

So, go on. Scroll down and do your business. Consider it Christmas charity.