Thursday, November 13, 2008

I'm pretty sure my undies are showing.

You know what is a great gift for your child's birthday?

Shots. Five of 'em. Check out his cool football bandaids (although I personally would have preferred some kind of glow-in-the dark cartoon action, you cheap HMO so-and-so's. Uh, this post will have several instances of gratuitous fake swearing, just so you know). They're decorating his underfed upper arm (I guess he needs to fatten up a little, according to the doctor. But the doctor hasn't seen this kid Hoover his food down).
(There's two, in case you couldn't tell from the awesome photography)

And since I refuse to take my children in to get shots because I am a wuss and believe they will think I betrayed them, I don't really get any say over my husband's antidote of choice for said shots. I believe he referred to this as "a big-A cookie" (I warned you about the gratuitous fake swearing so don't start complaining now. We are champion fake swearers in our house, because yes, he really did say "big-A").



And now for the promised Friday Favorite recipes during this, our national diet crises season.

You have perhaps seen one of my favorite sites, Cake Wrecks, no? (Is it wrong that when I ordered my son's cake today, I secretly hoped for a screw up? It is?)

I think we could all afford to put the cake slices down and back away slowly, moving vaguely in the direction of Thighmaster in our closets, so I offer you a recipe for a different wreck:

How to Make (Yourself) a Nervous Wreck

1 Blogger dashboard
1 layout widget
7 followers
1 hypersensitive Melanie J.


First, be me. (It's pretty fun, actually. You can shop too much and filch chocolate on a regular basis). Stalk an embarrassing number of blogs everyday and notice the disturbing trend of people declaring their "followers." Choose to rise above it, knowing it will only trigger latent OCD tendencies if you follow suit. Find after a few weeks that it doesn't go away. Toy with the idea of adding the same widget to your own blog, but remember about your deep-rooted insecurity and latent OCD again. Find that people follow you anyway and think it's kind of embarrassing that your blogger profile shows only seven (insanely awesome) followers. Watch Gilmore Girls reruns everyday and wonder if the words of the theme song, "Where you lead, I will follow" is true for you and your blog, if in fact the song is maybe even speaking to you. Decide to invite a massive ego-drubbing and slap the stupid widget up, knowing you won't be happy with less than 25 people. Wonder if you're prepared to do the groveling it takes to get people to sign up as followers so you don't feel like you just got pantsed in public. Hit the "save" key and nervously await the results.


Heartily regret your idiocy and find that you still can't hit delete.


Enjoy.

Oh, and follow my blog, please? I promise to get better at following yours.

19 comments:

LisAway said...

So the thing about following blogs, at least for me, is that I follow early and then soon my picture disappears because only 18 (or so) little faces are shown always most recently added. So I sometimes hit the "stop following" and then re hit the "follow this blog".

Melanie, STOP STALKING!! You mentioned before that you read and don't comment on blogs. I'm not saying you should always comment, because I'm not like that, but if you ever have something to say, SAY IT. More people need to be made aware of the greatness that is Melanie J, and that's how word gets out (or one way).

jackie said...

I have the same dream of many a follower. I feel horrible about my blog self when I post a "great to me" post and only get 3 comments. I stalk and comment, stalk and comment and only a few fellow stalkers stalk/comment back.. I have a site meter and honestly cannot for the life of me figure out how to realy REALLY tell how many people visit my site. UGH! I am utterly and honeslty validation-aholic--do you think there is a group for me?

So I will follow yours if you follow mine;)

Sue said...

I'm such an enthusiastic stalker that I am now stalking you with BOTH OF MY PERSONALITIES.

That's the benefit of being blog friends with crazy people.

The following thing is so stupid. And yet I am totally playing their evil mind game. DUMB.

Kristina P. said...

I don't do the following thing. I don't like it. Honestly, I feel like it's like Facebook, and she who has the most friends win.

So, know that I am faithfully following you on my Reader.

Aubrey said...

I could use one of those big-A cookies right about now, even though they are not currently on the approved list. The problem with big-A cookies is that you end up with a...big-A. :(

P.S. I'll be your lemming any old day of the week.

LisAway said...

Okay, so yours is the only blog that Cordy follows. And Sue? You're in the big time.

Heidi Ashworth said...

First, the baby is gorgeous and not too thin--no worries! (of coures, the camera adds 10 pounds in which case, you could worry. Or not). Second, I have been wanting to follow you but I don't know how to follow without the widget so I wasn't in line waiting all this time like the 7 awesome ones who were. Who knew? Not I.

Heidi Ashworth said...

And, Sue, I love you, but all of us can see that you are only following three blog(including Melanie), at least as you or Sue or whatever.

Sue said...

I'm a total following slacker, Heidi.

(See, actually I'm just kissing up to Melanie because she just let me in her critique group, and I'm scared.)

Alison Wonderland said...

Sorry, can't do it. I have a strict no blog followong policy. (As in I don't sign up to "follow" blogs, there are a lot of blogs that I follow in real life and yours is most definately one of them.) But you can always look at that number and mentally add one because I'm here, all the time, even if my picture's not.

Melanie J said...

Sue, you blew my cover. Everyone just thought it was my blog awesomeness that drew you here. (Actually, I had to confess to Lisa because I felt unduly credited with your presence).

On another note....why hasn't anyone pointed out to me that I did Friday Favorites on Thursday? And I actually know it's Thursday, but last night when I wrote the post, I also thought it was Thursday and somehow didn't figure it out until now. Are you all so worried about my delicate mental balance that you feared upsetting it?

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

no, we probably all thought that WE don't know what day it is.

And I don't do the following thing either, mostly because (and don't let this worry you) sometimes a blog kind of runs it course for me and I stop visiting it, but it seems so brutal to remove myself and my profile picture off of someone's page. It's kind of like passing a note in jr. high that says, "I used to like you, but now you're lame and we can't be friends any more." I prefer to exit quietly. The good news is, you're in my reader and I'll drop in on most days. And I almost always comment. I treat most posts like a conversation and think they deserve something back, even if it's just a "heh, that's funny." Don't worry I'll be around.

Pink Ink said...

I don't follow anyone officially, but I do "follow" by going to your blog regularly if that makes any difference :-).

I think the whole following thing is almost better publicity for the follower than the followed. Or is that followee?

On that note, I'm gonna take a much needed blogger break. :-)

Stephanie and Co. said...

Dear Melanie,
You have a critique group? Please can I join?
I follow you in Google Reader. Does that count as following? If you sign up for your own posts you can see how many people are following your blog through Google reader by clicking on the "show readers" up in your right hand corner.
There I just added to your neurosis. I'm sorry. I feel it too. I didn't add the widget because I can see in my dashboard that I only have 4 followers, and wow this comment is getting really long, and now I feel depressed.

myimaginaryblog said...

What Kristina said -- I just don't feel like doing the following thing. But I AM your faithful follower via Google Reader.

Also, I was too busy wondering why your undies were showing to notice what day of the week you thought it was.

Also, poor baby with the shots.

Also, I could kinda enjoy a cookie right now, too. (Dean is late home from work, and since (before he was late) I had already decided not to start cooking dinner until he got home and we could cook dinner together, we're all starving here. And the two-year-old keeps hitting things and people with a t-ball bat.)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

You so funny.

And no, I didn't mean to say you're so funny. It wasn't a typo. I mean YOU so funny!

Not the best band-aid photographer, but did you know blurry photos are back in style. I'm not pulling your leg. I've seen them on reputable BIG LEAGUE websites. It's strange, but true.

Anyway . . . here's your quarter back.

(That would have been a funny football pun if I was writing about football.)

Emily said...

I'm a sucker and am happy to openly admit I stalk your blog.

Mina said...

Ha, now I can follow your blog!

No problem here with the creative cussing. We are in the process of building a big A house, but my brother-in-law calls it la casa del burro grande. How's that for a fake swear?

Kimberly said...

I am so glad not to be on blogger for this very reason.

It would drive me MENTAL.

That said, I do have this widget on my...ahem...other blog. Cough cough.