Friday, January 30, 2009

I see you got your invitation!

Facebook makes me feel bad about myself. Actually, other people's birthday greetings on FB make me feel bad, because you want to know how many I got on my birthday? One.

That's it.

One.

Now, it's possible that it's because my birthday is Christmas Eve and folks might be a little distracted on that day. It's possible. But I think it's just because FB and the birthday fairy hate me.

Well, who needs 'em? I'm throwing myself an un-Facebook unbirthday party and you're invited! Yeah, you. Lurkers too, but don't be mad if I don't know your name. I'll wave, still. You know, that fake, "Hey..." (madly scrambling for your name but can't think of it so the "hey" implied by my wave will just trail off awkwardly in both our inaginations). But it's a wave.

So you don't have to bring anything except for an elephant joke and a birthday greeting. Just drop it off in the comment box. I had a book of 1001 of them when I was a kid and I still miss that book. If you don't know any elephant jokes, you can gimme a knock-knock one instead.

Anyway, I'm a giver. I give people my presents on my birthday all the time. (I'm sure I'd do it even it wasn't Christmas Eve. No, I would.) (Maybe I wouldn't.) For my unbirthday, I'm giving you my two favorite elephant jokes. The first one is actually my life motto. Or one of them, because I have maybe...twenty.

How do you eat an elephant?

One bite at a time.

Why do elephants lie on their backs?

To trip low flying canaries.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I like you guys so much, I'm throwing in an extra, just for you.

What's gray and lights up?

An electric elephant.

Happy unbirthday to me!

31 comments:

Shellie said...

Knock Knock
who's there
Olive
Olive Who?
Olive you!

Happy Un Birthday!

LisAway said...

Can't remember elephant ones but this is the best knock knock joke in the universe.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Little Old Lady.
Little Old Lady Who?
Hey! I didn't know you could yodel!

Jana said...

Dang! Now I'm going to have the un-birthday song from Alice in Wonderland stuck in my head (because that always happens when someone mentions the word "un-birthday").

Knock knock
Who's there?
Boo
Boo Hoo
Don't cry...it's just a knock knock joke.

Happy un-Birthday! (from one of your lurkers)

Kristina P. said...

Uh, oh. Do I have to do a knocok-knock joke?

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
The interrupting cow.
The interrupt..
Mooooo!!!

Yeah, that one is probably better in person.

Christi said...

I do have an elephant joke!

What time is it when the elephant sits on the bench?


Time to fix the bench!

Happy unbirthday!


A very merry unbirthday
To me?
To you
A very merry unbirthday
For me?
For you
Now blow the candle out, my dear
And make your wish come true
A very merry unbirthday to you


Yep, its the song from Alice in Wonderlands Mad Hatter's tea party.

Yep, I looked it up.

That's love, to look up an unbirthday song.

CaJoh said...

Oh elephant jokes eh…

Here's one that we can't wait to find in our crackers (you know those things that you pull the ends and they make a pop)… all the same:

Why is an elephant Grey and wrinkly?
because if it were white and smooth it would be an aspirin

… I know lame.

Happy Birthday

Annette Lyon said...

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Duane.
Duane who?
Duane the bathtub! I'm drowning!

:D

Chris said...

Happy unbirthday! :)

Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
A: So they can hide in cherry trees.
Q: Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
A: (they will say NO). Works, doesn't it?!
Q: How do you know there have been elephants in the fridge?
A: There's footprints in the butter.
Q: Why do elephants paint their ears yellow?
A: That's not paint, its butter.
Q: Why do elephants paint their toenails red, blue, green, orange, yellow, and brown?
A: So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms.
Q: How did the pygmie break his back?
A: He tried to carry a bag of M&Ms home from the store.

myimaginaryblog said...

What's the difference between a plum and an elephant?

Plums are purple.

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?

Here come the elephants over the hill!

What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill?

Here come the plums over the hill! (She was color blind.)

kenny, the husband said...

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say 'banana'?

(copy and paste makes that joke so much easier to tell!)

Happy Un-birthday

Stephanie and Co. said...

Umm, Chris took all my elephant jokes.
Happy Un-Birthday.
If you took away an elephant's trunk, how would it smell?
Either way, it smells pretty bad. :)

Aubrey said...

Sadly, I don't know any elephant jokes...so I Googled one for you.

What do elephants have that nothing else does?

Baby elephants. :)

Happy un-birthday!

(By the way, I've discovered that after you read the word 'elephant' enough times, it loses all meaning.)

Nancy said...

What game do elephants like to play the most?


SQUASH

Have another unbirthday in June or July, yathink? xixi

Kimberly said...

Happy Unbirthday, sweet girl! So sorry for missing yours, but was offline for two weeks. =( Still, no excuses!

Email me your address and I will mail you some Canadian chocolate as an unbirthday pressent, kay? Mwah!

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Random joke that doesn't fit any of your requirements:

What did the zero say to the eight?

Nice belt.

April said...

Hey...you....Happy Un-birthday!

J/K!!

I know it's Melanie and I don't have any knock knock or elephant jokes. Make your hubby take you somewhere nice, it's Friday!

Luisa Perkins said...

Merry Unbirthday!

I have a great knock-knock joke: you start.

earlfam said...

Annette and Kenny took the only two jokes my kids ever tell that make any sense. So I'll tell you their favorite joke that doesn't make any sense.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bookini.
Bookini who?
Bookini bottom.

Makes me laugh every time.

earlfam said...

I guess it's kind a "no soap radio" thing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_soap_radio

But I promise we never do it to try to make people feel stupid. It just cracks us up. And then people think we're stupid, so that's okay.

Debbie said...

I can't do a joke. This is too much pressure. I'd be better sending you a gift. Send me your address and I'll send you a belated birthday present!

Emily said...

Um . . . happy birthday? Was I a terrible friend that neglected to write on your wall?

Next year, I'll make up. I'll write on your wall like 590 times . . . and get all my friends to do it too . . .

This is the power of Facebook!

Motherboard said...

What time is it when 10 elephants are chasing you?


Ten after one.


Happy un-birthday.

kelberology 101 said...

"how do you escape if an elephant eats you?"
You run around and around til you are all pooped out!!!!!!

Kazzy said...

My mom has a late December birthday and has mentioned the same thing. Hey, here's a non-knock knock joke.

There are three kinds of mathematicians...

Those who can add and those who can't.

Good?

charrette said...

Hey, I don't think I've found you on Facebook yet. I might not have even BEEN on Facebook before Christmas (not sure)! SO...I'm off the hook? Yes?

But I must say that I LOVED getting happy birthday greetings from everyone both on my blog and on the Annex and on Facebook. Loved, loved LOVED it...and I didn't think it would matter, or I would care, but it did and I did.

SO....I want to wish you the most fabulous birthday where you find a wadded up $20 bill in the pair of jeans you haven't worn for awhile because you didn't think you could fit into them...but today they magically zip up, and there's that $20 bill. I hope you feel gloriously happy and abundantly loved. And I hope Kenny spoils you rotten!

Oh, yeah, and Luisa already stole my favorite knock-knock joke! (Best one ever.) xo

The Crash Test Dummy said...

How can you stop a charging elephant?

Take away his credit cards.


I just had so much fun reading all the jokes in your comment box.

You are da bomb!!!

LY

happy unbirthday!

Heather of the EO said...

Maybe it's because the very coolest people are hardly ever on facebook and THEY are your friends!!!

Happy unbirthday, but birthday!

The Blonde Duck said...

Stopped in to say hi!

Mina said...

Why do elephants wear sunglasses?
So no one will recognize them.

What did the elephants say when they saw the hunters coming?
"Here come the hunters!"

What did the hunters say when they saw the elephants coming?
Nothing.

The hunters didn't recognize them because they were wearing their sunglasses.

Jami said...

A very merry unbirthday. I'll joke later.

CountessLaurie said...

What's the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?

About 3000 miles.

Happy Belated Un-Birthday! If it's any consolation, you got more happy unbirthdays on here that I got happy birthdays on facebook.