Monday, June 8, 2009

Take a number.

I feel like I should apologize to the people ahead of me every time I get in line. Any line. They don't know it yet, but I just doubled their wait time. At least.


I really feel bad. I think folks usually pick a line because it looks like the fastest option. Or at least not the slowest one. It isn't. Until I show up.


If it's a Costco line, I promise that me queueing behind you guarantees a shift supervisor showing up to count the cash drawer at that very moment.


The grocery store? The person being rung up will suddenly pull out a ream of coupons, bigger than your head. Bigger than whatever child you pushed out with the biggest head's head. A big ream.


A clothing store? The register tape will break.


McDonalds? You won't realize until it's too late that the lady in front is ordering for a Little League team waiting in the van.


The movies? The couple next in line will continue their argument about what to see until they get to the window. Then they'll keep arguing. And arguing. And arguing. It will end only when every ticket to the movie you want to see is sold at every other window, then the couple decides on that movie too and buys the last pair of tickets. So, so sorry.


The DMV? Not my fault. Satan did that.



The rest of the lines. . . well, yeah. It's the universe's way of keeping me humble because my parking ju-ju rocks.

If you didn't see my last post, scroll down and check it out. I'm having a mini contest to come up with a subtitle for my blog. Help, okay?

19 comments:

Becca said...

Parking ju-ju: Have you read How to Ditch Your Fairy by Justine Larbalestier? Okay, I haven't - but I know the bones, and this reminds me of it.

Heather of the EO said...

The Satan DMV thing busted me up.

Kristina P. said...

Satan really likes to mess things up, doesn't he?

April said...

Oh no! We should NEVER go shopping together then. They line waiting would quadruple. Poor fools. That goes for following me in a car too. I always go the wrong direction! I'm a hopeless cause!

charrette said...

Hahaha! Satan totally rules the DMV!
Very funny post.

Linda said...

Serves you right cuz you should not be at McDonalds anyway!!! lol

Chantele said...

I just came across your blog, and it is hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!:)

DeNae said...

Oh my word, Melanie, we are so alike it's freaky. I've actually TOLD people in line ahead of me, who are now rolling their eyes at the elderly gentleman trying to pay for his purchase with pennies, that it is entirely my fault.

I do to shopping lines what some people do to digital watches. It's like my magnetic field points Due Aggravation.

Kimberly said...

Yeah, the DMV line made me snort. And I do NOT snort.

Chris said...

Cash registers and computers of any kind malfunction when I need them. It's a bummer to be behind me in line.

Luisa Perkins said...

Line upon line/Precept on precept...

What? Oh, sorry. Just had to sing a little.

Kimberly totally snorts. 'Fess up, Kim.

CaJoh said...

I think the DMV is plagued with long lines to begin with.

Sometimes I don't mind being behind someone who takes longer in the grocery line. It gives my wife more time to find that "one last thing" she forgot to get.

Melinda said...

Oh my goodness! Seriously, and I mean so seriously, that is me to a "T"! Always, always, ALWAYS do the worst things happen to me in a line, I've learned to live with it. And only complain a LITTLE. :)

Kazzy said...

Man, I hate lines. But I am back east right now and had to warn my traveling buds about ordering food in the east, and about lining up at various businesses. Hurry and line up and hurry and order, etc. Move it!

charrette said...

p.s. My version of hell would be standing in a line until you get right to the front, and they put up a sign that says "next line, please" and you have to move to the back of another line...and that goes on and on, ad infinitum...

Jami said...

Hahaha! I've actually taken to warning people in line behind me. Those who ignore the warning generally regret it.

Jami said...

DMV doesn't need Satan. It's evil enough on its very own.

Chas Hathaway said...

HOLY MAKEREL! We have the same condition then. I've voiced to my wife NUMEROUS times that I stop lines from the back.

I thought I was the only one. I don't feel as bad any more.

- Chas
http://chas.willowrise.com

L.T. Elliot said...

Oh...so it's YOU I should blame for the 10 items or less that turns into 10 hours or more!!!!