Friday, October 3, 2008

Ha ha, snorfle, guffaw!

You guys are such awesome blog participants this week. It makes my heart happyhappyhappy. But I REALLY have to demand participation today because I'm already envisioning all the horrified unladylike laughter I'll spew when I read some of your comments. You know the drill: seven comments to move on.

Today's Friday Favorites is about the unintentional hilarity I've witnessed at "cultural events". It's a rundown of stuff I've seen that killed me, sometimes on the stage and sometimes not, but it's been dang funny.

It's inspired by the crazy week Kenny and I had. Are still having. Wednesday night we saw the So You Think You Can Dance Tour and last night we saw Neil Diamond in concert (so fun). And tomorrow night we're going to a Fall Dance Spectacular. What a week. We love our fun, and normally we go to a couple of things every month because we love theater and dance and all that good stuff. But we've never had so many things crammed into one week before.

Well, unless it's vacation and we're supposed to be relaxing which means doing even more stuff than usual. But that's another story.

So on to my favorite unintentionally funny stuff from the stage (and the audience).

1. Last night at the Neil Diamond concert, this guy about six rows in front of us stood while everyone else sat and did interpretive dances to a number of Neil's songs that expressed all the love he had in his heart for Neil Diamond's music. Or maybe just Neil. He reminded me of that tanorexic Blake guy that got voted off of Project Runway. Apparently, though, Neil's magic doesn't work on the fast songs like "Sweet Caroline". It was just the slow ones that brought him to his feet with his joyous, uninhibited hand waving and head weaving.

2. My high school's production of Cinderella. My best friend Anna played one of the stepsisters and at one point when she did a curtsy at the ball, her costume slipped down her arms while she bowed and she flashed half the audience.

3. A local ballet company's production of Giselle. They had a short, plump prima ballerina and her partner was channeling Ichabod Crane and it was just a hilarious visual the whole time.

4. Fifteen years ago, the ward Christmas choral performance. The soloist was chosen because she was pushy rather than good. When she hit the soaring section of "O, Holy Night" ("Oh, fallllllll on your kneeeeeees.....), the little kid in front of me on the second row decided he couldn't take it anymore and when the singer hit her fifth powerful but off-key high note, he clapped his hands over his ears and howled, "Nooooooooo!"

5. A folk singer opened for a musician we like (Martin Sexton, check him out), and he was Scottish or some such and no one in the audience could understand him really, except Kenny and I kind of could because we'd been in Scotland recently. So the audience tried to be supportive by cheering and whatnot when they thought it was appropriate based on the meter of the music, but it ended up being at all the wrong lyrical points of the social protest songs. But it was good fun watching the folk singer growing increasingly miffed in proportion to the audience's confusion.

6. The playback of my nephews' dance recital. They're four-year-old twins and the only boys in their dance class and right in the middle of their performance, they lost their minds and started chasing one of their little friends around the stage. Good times.

7. The Argentine tango show. I got in a shh-shhhhing match with a guy four seats down because he wouldn't quit crackling his cookie wrapper after the intermission and it made me cranky. But it turns out I had gone into labor so I think I had a good excuse.

Come on, readers. Spill the goods. I know there are good train wreck stories lurking among the lurkers.


Heather of the EO said...

My mother-in-law (who happens to be crazy) totally lost her mind at a play once, YELLING at some kids who were going up and down the stairs, through the audience.

"SIT. DOWN. IF your PARENTS are not going to PARENT you, then I WILL!!!"

The kids cried and ran back to their PARENTS.

I'm so glad I wasn't with her on that night! whew.

*MARY* said...

Heather I think I was probably the non-parenting parent your mom yelled at, sorry.

Your blog layout is amazing! It's like a notebook,I can't stop looking.

Kenny the clueless said...

When my current band first started out, we were asked to play at a group home for abused children. As we made our way through the first song, the happy faces of the children slowly turned a little forlorn while those of the adult volunteers and staff ranged from bewildered to disgusted disbelief. Half way through the song it dawned on me that a home for abused children was probably not the best place to open with the Stones' "You Can't Always Get What You Want".

Kimberly said...

Well, there was the time I got second row seats to Carmen at the Queen Elizabeth Theatre Vancouver, and when the cigarette girls came on stage I had to rush out because I had a coughing fit.

Or the time I was a member of an honour choir performing at an important school district document signing and fainted, landing on and flattening my gym teacher who was crouched near by fixing one of the speakers.

Oooo...or the time I went to see La Boheme with me school's band class and complained to the fellow next to me (who I had a huge crush on) that the girl was so whiney and he turned and hissed at me, "She's dying, you idiot!"

Good times. Good times.

Jami said...

I was playing Jaques in As You Like It and at one point I came onto the stage and moments after I arrived the other actors emerged from the opposite side of the stage.

One night they weren't there. And I stood around looking all manly for a while until they figured out that they needed to entre. Totally do-able. A little scratch, a little snort, a little strut, and time was filled nicely.

However the next night it took all of my acting skills to avoid giggling like the 17 year old girl I was. "Amiens," showed up with his fellows right on cue. Wearing a paper Taco Bell hat. A jest? Oh no. Suddenly he sensed something was amiss. And his hand slowly rose to the hat, he removed it, ever so slowly, trying to hide it upstage, then crumpled it in his hand, continuing our little scene, while Jacques had a sudden fit of coughing. Manly coughing.

Um, no, don't worry, dude, no one even noticed.

Alison Wonderland said...

I went to see Evita the movie and about half way through the guy behind me sighs really loudly and says "Oh no, she's going to sing ANOTHER song."

PS love the new layout.

Eowyn said...

Those are so funny!

My best stage experience was when I was doing a piano recital. I was playing this really fast, really intense song and halfway through my mind went completely blank. I fiddled a bit. Sat and stared at the piano for a while, then decided to start over in hopes that it would come to me. I said, "Sorry folks. I think I'll start over." or some other such completely lame comment. Then I started over. I still had a brain freeze when I came to that spot the second time by I kind-of mushed through it.

My piano teacher was laughing her head off at my lame comment.

Iguana Montana said...

You have inspired me. Your question reminded me of an instance in Sacrament Meeting where a gentleman answered his cell phone and competed with the first counselor in the Bishopric for attention for several minutes.

I expanded on the story in my own blogpost today. Thanks for the inspiration...and thanks for all the laughs.

charrette said...

Hey -- I LOVE the new look!
And you just won Heather's contest.
Happy day! Life is good.

I have a couple of disastrous piano recital stories, like Eowyn. Both involved blacking out in the middle of a completely memorized piece. After the first one I was too embarrassed to show my face back in the recital hall, so I just walked off the stage and out the door. I walked home. Our house was locked. I climbed in the bedroom window. My parents couldn't find me for hours.

My favorite public disasters are church stories. Like the time a girl was talking about her dad on Father's Day and she started to cry and her nose started to run. Then it started to bleed. But she had no idea. So she was up there talking, and crying, and smearing blood all over her face. Not pretty.

Oh, and I love the one from Mrs.4444 on the Bloggers Annex about tucking her skirt into her thong underwear and flashing her bare bum to the entire school! Awesome.

Also on Blogger's Annex, the one where Kateastrophe falls off the stage at her college graduation is excellent!