Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Potty mouth

And the Tim Tam giveaway winner is...Heather! But she won my book giveaway and I don't want people thinking this is rigged, so I will be sending Heather some Tim Tams, but we drew another winner: Chris! Yay! Everyone's a winner! Except the thirty of you that are not.

On to some existential stuff...

As a Mormon mommy blogger, or a Mormon Mommy Blogger!!!!! if you prefer, I wonder if my blog is an appropriate place to discuss pee. Shall we find out?

Warning: this will fall under TMI for most of you, does not concern infants or cute diaper/potty training stories, will in no way uplift you, and may cause you to lose IQ points.

Still here? Okay, then.

The other night I was in the bathroom. This is, of course, a great place to think. But I had a particularly brilliant insight because as I was doing my business (just regular potty), I sneezed. And it occurred to me that there are two things that are great about sneezing when you pee.

1) It makes you go faster. It's like a turbo button.

2) It is the rare time that you can sneeze and not worry that you're going to wet your pants a little. Not that this has ever happened to me. Okay, it did once a little while after I had Baby G and it's been over a year and I still worry about that. I change diapers all day long. I certainly don't want to change my own.

Anyway, that's the nice thing about sneezing when you pee. There's nothing nice about peeing when you sneeze.

21 comments:

LisAway said...

You are disgusting. Well, not really but I thought I'd say it anyway, just for kicks.

I feel fortunate to have never had to worry/think about the bad peeing/sneezing issue (or the good one, really, but thanks for the tip!) but laughter? THAT's the one I fear. And I'm pretty sure it's worse than the sneezing one.

Alison Wonderland said...

I can't say I've ever thought about it, maybe I've never sneezed on the toilet, but as soon as ou said that you were on the tiolet and you sneezed I could see the beauty of the whole thing.

And now I've devoted far too much thought to this topic. As have you.

Mina said...

Yes, there is a big distinction between those two things. I never pee when I sneeze or laugh. If I've just gone to the bathroom.

But as I was telling a bloggy friend just yesterday, after the birth of my second child I was convinced I'd be in Depends by 30. And here I am almost 35 and I still only need pantiliners. I'm ahead of the curve, man.

Kristina P. said...

I don't know if blogging is really good for my desire to have children. I learn things that I never knew, and that don't really help increase that desire. Such as Mina's comments.

And I knew I could come to this blog for deep thoughts on peeing. Ever need deep thoughts on nudity? You know where to go.

myimaginaryblog said...

Um, I sneezed under the exact same circumstances the other day and had THE EXACT SAME THOUGHT PROCESS, and thought "I guess this isn't really something I can blog about." :) But since you said it first, I can at least be here to say, "Ditto!"

CaJoh said...

My wife tells me this all the time. I like the turn of words at the end— it really makes a lot of sense (to us guys anyway).

Mina said...

I have a non-potty related award for you on my sidebar.

Annette Lyon said...

Wow--a turbo button. That's deep. Or something.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I think it's perfectly acceptable for a mormon mommy blog to talk about pee as long as all mormon mommies pee, and I think they do, so you're good. A little weird maybe, but good. Oh, and funny too.

Kimberly said...

Oh. Heck.

I missed out on Tim Tams? I luuuurve Tim Tams!!!

Freaky thing? I so had this experience five months ago. For real. Which means I had the turbo thought first so I win. Neener neener neener.

I've missed your blog.

Kimberly said...

Oh, and you too! Really!

Chris said...

CHRIS? DID I SEE CHRIS?????

Oh my gosh! I've got to go see if there is more than one of us. brb

Chris said...

Okay. I'm back. Unless my I-need-bifocals eyes deceive me, I'M THE ONLY CHRIS?

Okay!!!!

Doing a happy dance!!! :) Or, should that be a TIM TAM DANCE? :)

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! :)

Shellie said...

hmmmm that makes me a little sad but I'm on my way to target tonight so I'm going to go find them.

on the sneezing thing one time I worked at this pharmacy as a teenager and the pharmacist was pregnant. She sneezed, farted, and peed at the same time. she was very emberrased and I felt so bad for her.

Heather of the EO said...

SHUT UP. Let's just tell people it IS rigged. The truth is going to come out one day anyway. Please don't send them to me. I already won a book. Just give them to Chris and pretend I never won. Seriously, I'm way cool with that. This is hilarious.

Jami said...

So sad. I wanted to win. It's just fun. And yummy. Oh well. At least you made me laugh, but then...well... I've had six kids, three of whom were ten pounds...so sad. And a little moist.

Chris said...

Hey Melanie,

ACTUALLY, if you just print off a couple of those Tim Tam coupons and mail them, that would be perfectly wonderful! You don't actually have to SEND the cookies. That's rather expensive. And you can put those funds toward more Tim Tams for YOU. :) All for a good cause! :)

I had a MARVELOUS time with this! :) THANKS!!!

Stephanie and Co. said...

Dang it. No Tim Tams?
I have to say that I can't agree with sneezing while you pee. Once I had a violent sneeze that activated the turbo button and made me completely overshoot and hit my pants. Yeah, that was not funny. Anyway, now you have TMI about me.

Luisa Perkins said...

Do you really want to pee fast? Personally, I drag out my alone time in the bathroom as long as is possible. Six kids, small (but lovely house)? Yeah. No turbo action here, thanks very much.

Glad you de-lurked; you now have a new lemming. Point me to a post in which you discuss your WIP?

Debbie said...

Just one of the losers weighing in on this post. And I so wanted to try those Tim Tams or whatever they were called. Anyway, peeing and coughing scare me to death. I do have four children after all.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha ha ha. You are so insightful, it's mind blowing.