Friday, February 20, 2009

Happy sad.

I have picked up and put down so many words today, trying to find the right ones to string together. Every time I open my head and dump a few out, they just stick together in a big coagulated mess instead of lining up in a way that makes sense.

In their simplest form, they boil down to a single thought: I miss my mom.

I want to tell you about her purple shirt, and her bald head, and her angel smile, and I will. When I can get it right. A million little things have prompted me to think about her this week. Some weeks are like that, where she's forefront in my mind.

Maybe I'll post later today if I can get the words put together right. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just hold the memories close and enjoy them. I don't know.

Maybe I'll eat my oatmeal exactly how she made it and remember her and be happy. And sad. And thankful I had her.

23 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Thank you for this post, Melanie. I needed it. I often take my parents for granted, especially my mom.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Aww, I'm sorry you're feeling sad. Give your kids lots of hugs today. I bet she loves watching you be a good mom. :)

Sue said...

I'm sorry. {{many virtual hugs}}

Jami said...

I'm sorry. And really glad you had such a great mom.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I hope you can feel what you need to feel, if that makes sense. Sometimes it's best to let yourself just feel instead of stuffing it down. Looks like you're doing a great job of dealing with it and being sad and loving your mom.

Mina said...

I don't really want to say "sorry," because I think that it's not always bad to be a little sad or missing someone who you loved so much. In fact, I am happy that you loved your mom and had a good relationship with her. It's a blessing, which I know you are aware of.

I've missed your blog. Always such great writing. Even with a melancholy flavor.

Kimberly said...

I don't know whether I want to cry or call my mum more now...that was beautiful.

Debbie said...

I can't imagine being without my mom although I know that is the reality for most of us eventually. I hope you can have some warmth from your thoughts of her and we will look forward to talking to you soon.

CountessLaurie said...

Well said. Seriously.

myimaginaryblog said...

I agree with Debbie -- I really don't like thinking about what life will be like when my mom's not around. I'm glad you had that kind of a mom, too (and sorry you already know what it's like to miss her.)

Luisa Perkins said...

Hugs to you this day and always.

Willow Tree said...

Praying for you.

Blessings, Carolynn

CaJoh said...

Do what you do— we'll be here for you.

Eowyn said...

Here's hoping you can really love her today.

Lee of MWOB said...

You wrote that perfectly. Straight from the heart which is always perfect.

How blessed you are to have had a wonderful relationship with your mom. I am sorry for your loss.

That Girl in Brazil said...

I hate saying "I'm sorry" - it sounds so shallow and pithy and cliche.

But I still am.

And girl? I don't think you'll ever find the words. Because there aren't any.

.... I'm sorry ....

Heidi Ashworth said...

It sounds like you are working it out. It's the process that does the magic.

Shellie said...

It will be a great read. I love reading about bald head and angel smiles :)

Heather of the EO said...

Your words came out just right. This conveys a whole lot more than maybe you thought it did.

Peace to you,
Heather

LisAway said...

Ditto on Heather, exactly.

Annette Lyon said...

This breaks my heart.

And here I was all feeling sorry for myself that after a 2-week visit, I'm losing my parents for almost another year.

Kazzy said...

It just stinks. But as weird as it sounds, I love the way things just pop up that make me think about people I love that have died. I think it is a blessing to have those feelings and thoughts rush over us. I am glad you can recognize them. Take care.

Andrew & Sarah Clawson said...

I've been thinking a lot about her these past few weeks.. and am SO grateful that I got to know her.. she was and still is (in my opinion) a diamond in the rough.....