Eh, what's that, you say?

So Josi asked me a total fluff question: I want to know at what point in your growing up years did you realize that you're parents were deaf and that most parents were not? Also, did you ever fear you were going deaf as a kid? And did you get made fun of, and how did you deal with that? I'd love to hear how you personally came to accept that issue in your life and how it relates to you as an adult.

Geez, Josi. Could you throw me a bigger softball?

Let's see...I'm betting I probably realized there was a difference when we moved to Louisiana from California. In California, we attended the LA deaf ward and all of my hearing friends had deaf parents, too. I wasn't old enough for school yet so there was no environment where I would see anything different. Louisiana was different. My parents were the only deaf Mormons around. I started school. None of my friends had deaf parents. I began fielding a lot of questions about why they were deaf and how I learned how to talk, all that stuff. There was no single moment where I remember an epiphany but I'm guessing that's how I eventually figured it all out.

I don't remember fearing going deaf, only because being deaf didn't seem like that big of a deal. My parents were both educated, successful, respected professionals with friends and hobbies and a nice house. There's nothing bad about that. In face, when my oldest son was born, he failed the newborn hearing test twice. The nurse brought him back after the second one and tried to reassure me that he'd probably pass at his two week check up so I shouldn't worry.

"But if he doesn't pass, does it mean he's deaf?" I asked her.

"It might," she answered. "Don't worry, though. I'm sure he'll pass."

I shrugged. "I don't care if he's deaf," I said.

She looked appalled. Her expression clearly suggested that she thought maybe that the baby shouldn't be going home with me later that afternoon.

James's dad laughed. "Don't be a dork, Melanie. Tell her."

I grinned. "My parents are deaf," I said. "It's really not a big deal if he is, too."

She looked much relieved.

So, no, I never really feared becoming deaf. Besides, it's not genetic on either side of my family. It's rarely hereditary, actually. I think the figure is down near 10%.

I don't ever remember being made fun of, or of my parents being made fun of, either. People have always been more fascinated than mean. It helps that my parents were both articulate and easy to understand. I do remember several times where adults (cashiers, counter agents, nurses, etc.) were impatient or uncomfortable in dealing with my parents. That made me super angry. Often, I would refuse to help them (the other adults) talk to my parents, so that they were forced to deal with my mom or dad instead of coming through me and treating my parents as inconvenience. My parents always got a kick out of that. I stepped in where there was a genuine problem or disconnect, but only if the other adult was truly trying to communicate to begin with.

However, just to be clear, even though my parents' deafness was normal to me, that doesn't mean I didn't resent it sometimes. It's natural for us CODAs, Children of Deaf Adults. Most of us carry a certain resentment for a while. But I think I'll save that part of the question for tomorrow.

I also haven't forgotten the other questions some of you guys asked (Nancy, Erin, etc.) and I'll answer them, too.

I feel like I should have a more conclusive ending to this post today.

But I don't.

The End.