Thursday, April 2, 2009

Click.

I was going to write about why I like being good looking but it occurred to me that new people wandering over from Mormon Mommy Blogs might be left with a totally correct impression of me, and we can't have that, can we? So suffice it to say, my thoughts can be summed up this way: you can be too good-looking (Liz Lemon's bubble, anyone?) and it's best to go through life as a good solid 7 on a scale of 10. Once things have settled down around here, I'll get back to that thought, but we'll wait until the gawkers pass, new friends stick, and it's just us girls again. (And Chaka. And CaJoh. Hi.)

Anyway, what's on my mind after that is that I hate local television news. I mean I really HATE it. Oh, wait, let me check with the last fiber of my being....Nope. It loathes local TV news, too. It's not just because we get the LA news and I live in Orange County where we have 2 million of our own residents and are still treated like an L.A. suburb. Um, hello? If we wanted to live in L.A. we'd have migrated north twenty minutes. You know, to where the shootings and the smog are?

Because that's pretty much what LA news is. Fourteen stories on who got shot, a human interest story on some weird health trend, three stories on celebrities (they're all "local" in L.A.), and then an overly buxom (and I'm not exaggerating that--check out any of the weather girls {Alita Loresco, snort}) girl gives the weather. Oh, or else it's one of the old guys with a dumb name like Johnny Mountain. Or Dallas Raines. Not making those up, either. It makes Fritz Coleman sound normal.

I mean, does it seem wrong to anyone else that even the weather guys have stage names in L.A.?

And the hard hitting exposes? All seem to involve which restaurants have roaches. Or news flash: car places rip you off.

I actually reached my snapping point with local news in Utah, though. For a month, one station (cough, cough, KSL, cough) advertised some story they were going to do on pantyhose and the truth about quality versus prices. Since I haven't yet met a pair of pantyhose I couldn't put a run in just by looking, I was pretty interested. The promos were relentless. This was going to be their big ratings hook for February sweeps. Here's what I learned in the 90 second story: cheaper pantyhose don't hold up as well as expensive ones. Glad I made a point of tuning in. It's not like there wasn't an Olympics scandal to lead with at the time or anything. Oh, wait. Yes, there was. And I quit wearing pantyhose, anyway.

I finally refused to watch the local news altogether about five years ago. I just thought it might be bad to end every day by wanting to throw a shoe at the TV. Unless there's an earthquake, I'm pretty much cruising cable for Seinfeld in syndication. Or Jon Stewart.

I prefer to read my news, anyway. I'm a big fan of city newspapers and the OC Register is pretty good. And I subscribe to different news services (CNN, USA Today and BBC). Mainly I just skim the headlines. Sometimes I pull up a whole article if the headline is good enough. You know..."Obama announces new tax plan" (skim), "G 20 Summit erupts in violence" (skim), "California budget held together with a safety pin and Arnold's chewing gum" (skim), "Bobcat attacks bar patrons" (Oooh! Click to expand).

I pretty much always have NPR on in the car. In major emergencies I'll turn to CNN because it's the most balanced of the cable news channels. If by balanced you mean it swings wildly from one extreme to another to project "balance" rather than just driving completely in the fast lane (MSNBC) or slow lane (Fox...way over on the right. And I don't mean it's right. It's just on The Right. And so's the slow lane. Get it?)

Anyway, I plan to continue this self-imposed local TV news ban until I'm a cranky old woman in a nursing home with no one to come and visit me. Then some orderly will turn my room TV to the news thinking all old folks like watching the news. But that's not true. They only like watching the weather. They just have to suffer through the rest of it to get to it. But anyway, I'll be stuck watching it because I'll be too frail to throw my shoe at either the orderly or the TV.

Aargh.

18 comments:

Luisa Perkins said...

Hee hee--loved the bobcat bit.

Couldn't agree more with you re the TV news. Access to meaningful news is just one more reason me lovey the internets.

Debbie said...

I am just sad every day that you live on the other side of this country. I so think I'd love to hang out with you.
Local news is the worst thing on TV and that is saying a LOT. I so agree. Give me Seinfeld any day of the week.

Laura Moffitt said...

I have stopped watching the news, well in reality I stop watching TV and only watch my favorite TV shows on Hulu. I am sick of it all. And you are so right about the anchors. They are terrible.

CaJoh said...

Hi back…

I think what bugs me is that they tend to give you a tease about an interesting story only to tell it in the last part of the newscast— you have to wait through all of the other stuff you don't want to hear just to get to the interesting story.

If you like the weather, just tune into the Weather channel. My wife just loves the weather on the eights and stares at the radar just to prove that the rain won't be getting any where near our house.

Mina said...

We hated being in LA's news coverage area. The OC at least got a nod. We were out in RIverside County, which may as well have not existed at all. For about 6 years of our 14 there we were living south enough in the county to get a San Diego affiliate. That was better. But still not REALLY for us.

So here they do this thing where they split the whether up into about three segments throughout the broadcast, just to keep your attention. Lame.

Fox news is on a lot at our house. I'm fine with that. I know it's not news per se, it's analysis. But at least it's entertaining.

I look forward to your attractiveness post. ;o) I hope you do it. Everyone on the net is always griping about how horrible they look, which often seems like a thinly veiled plea for compliments. It would be refreshing to hear a possibly more honest approach.

Annette Lyon said...

This is awesome because it's so obnoxiously true.

Pantyhose--now that is hard-hitting news.

Kristina P. said...

I'm an NPRer too. Actually, I listen to a lot of talk radio. I don't watch the news either. I just read the websites. Oh, and watch The Daily Show. I don't need anything else.

Jami said...

There's hope for your grumpy old age. You may be able to skip th news entirely. They have the weather channel now. My grandpa loves it. He slows down to 5 cpm when he gets there. Normally he zips along at about 50 cpm (that'd be channels per minute). He only slows down to 20 cpm for news. Unless it's really gruesome.

Kimberly said...

Oh come on. You're totally a nine.

I haven't watched the news since 2002. Strangely, my clinical depression has eased up somewhat since then...

Kazzy said...

Yeah, local news is rough. I remember Mountain and Raines from when we lived in LA. Funny to think those are stage names.

I agree with the contentment of shooting for a 7 out of 10. :)

Heidi Ashworth said...

Personally, I didn't think Liz's erstatz (wait, have to go look that one up--oops! I think I mean erstwhile, wait, looking that one up, too . .. okay, I'm good) boyfriend was so good looking as to induce the kind of treatment he received. Cute post!

LexiconLuvr said...

I hate the news. I figure if it's important enough, someone will tell me (and with 6 siblings, someone invariably does. Or my mom, who lives off of the news.)

As for cruising for the good stuff, you've put my heart at ease to know the clicker stops with Seinfeld. =]

p.s. Loved the bobcat too!

Eowyn said...

I've stopped watching too. It depresses me.

Speaking of KSL, I remember a long time ago getting all excited because they were going to do a similar thing on diapers--comparing brands and whatnot--with about the exact same results. I wanted to throw my shoe at the tv that week. I was so ticked that they didn't give me any useful info!

CNN or NYTimes online for me!

Herb of Grace said...

My sentiments exactly.

Erin said...

Great post! I never watch the news either.

Pantyhose sucks.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hi cool chica. ;) I just caught up with your blog. I have to say that I'm really glad that wasn't YOUR teeth.

And I'm not a friend of scouting even though they think I am. RAR!

And congratulations on you MMB nomination. WAHOO! You go girl!

And I love your randomness.

And I can't believe your hubby makes his own Matsumotos! WOW!

And I still can't believe you like YO GABBA GABBA! Did you know Jack Black is going to be on tomorrow!

And I was born in Orange county. I'm a Long Beach girl.

Josi said...

Hey, tell us how you really feel--no need to sugar coat :-)

K kid said...

OK, So I know this post is old, but I just randomly came across your blog from a friend and have had a great time reading it. My favorite local news report was here in Portland during a cold spell. The news anchor poured a cup of water on the ground and... (hold breath) it froze. no. stinking. way. Apparently in Portland the fact that water freezes is a BIG story.