Friday, April 3, 2009

Not on my watch.

Uh....can you guys go vote for me on the Mormon Mommy Blog poll? If you'll notice the end of this post, you''ll see that I will do anything to avoid embarrassment. Asking for your votes so I'm not humiliated is all part of that. If I've ever made you giggle...help me out?

I mentioned before that my husband secretly plots ways to rob banks. He just walks into a bank to make a deposit or something and then he starts thinking, "Hm. Here's how it could be done..."

And I mentioned I've always thought that was kinda crazy. But just today, at the bank, I realized I'm kind of crazy, too. Because I automatically start thinking stuff like, "If someone came in to rob this bank, what would I do?" The funny thing is, I thought stuff like this long before I married my husband.

And here's the thing. It's probably best if bad guys don't come robbing when I'm around because I think I'm dumb enough to play the hero.

I wish I could say it's because I'm courageous. It's not. It's because I have a real problem with people who make other people's lives difficult and I tell the troublemakers so on a regular basis. Believe me, you want to be behind me when I'm behind the guy who's being a jerk to a teller or cashier just for the sheer enterainment value. I especially take advantage of this when I'm pregnant because seriously, who's going to say something back?

Besides, I despise feeling fearful and I do contrary things just because. I used to refuse to lock my doors because I felt like I was admitting the world wasn't safe. I lock them now because I do have at least some common sense. But it shows up other ways too. I had to fly for work shortly after 9/11. There I was in an eerily empty airport (except for the soldiers with machine guns), and instead of feeling scared, I felt defiant. Hijack MY plane? I don't think so. I'll take some crazy jihadists down with nothing but a stiletto heel and a bad attitude.

Anyway, so if I'm in the bank when it gets robbed...I'd probably be the dummy trying to sound the alarm or trip a bank robber or sneak away for help. Or you know, trying to talk reason with them.

Now, don't get me wrong. I hate to do anything that might put me at the least risk for being embarrassed or rejected. I'm not brave about any of that stuff. But lecture a bad guy until he decides there's no amount of money in a bank worth the ear abuse? Yeah, I can do that.

21 comments:

LisAway said...

You know, Melanie, you sort of make me wish I could just follow you around in hopes that something like this would happen so I could watch.

I have something about defending strangers, too. I have no problem starting to rant or at least scold someone, but after talking for about three seconds I realize that I'm TOTALLY nervous and I can't be as intimidating as I meant to. Oh well.

Laura Moffitt said...

I am crazy too; I do things like this all the time. Like what is the best time to rob someone. Or how I would defend myself if someone attacked me.

CaJoh said...

I'm probably too shy to stand up to a robber in a bank— I would never know what to say. I should just hope you're in the bank when it gets robbed.

Kazzy said...

The world needs more people like you, standing up for the ill-treated.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Well, it looks like you gave someone a talking to over at MMB b/c you're ahead!

Kristina P. said...

Psssst! Over here! Don't tell anyone, but I voted for you! We'll just keep it our little secret.

kenny, the husband said...

I think it's interesting that when we go to the bank together I'm devising ways to rob it and you're contemplating ways to beat me up.
Maybe that's why we don't go to the bank together very often...

Lara said...

The world needs more people like you. I always wish I'd speak up in these situations, but I rarely do.

Kimberly said...

We are terribly complicated creatures, we human beings.

Good luck!

That Girl in Brazil said...

Stiletto with a bad attitude ... priceless!

Heather of the EO said...

I'm like this too. I mean, I don't know that I'd DO IT, but I daydream that I would and I get all worked up while pretending to save the day in my head.

(hey um...I sent you a really long email that I've been really slow to send and then yahoo said ERROR and I said NOOOOO...did you get it? I'll totally type it again, but I'll be mad at yahoo.)

Alisa said...

Hey Melanie, I'm a new fan from MMB. I'm so glad that you were nominated so I could check you out. I like your style. Looking forward to reading more. You have my vote.

LexiconLuvr said...

You're awesome Melanie. I'm the kind of person who thinks they're brave and only manages to be when my kids are concerned. My safety? Nah. Their safety: STEP THE HECK OFF, *%&#$!!!! Um...yeah. That's me.

nano*ink said...

I voted for you! 'cause you make me guffaw at times.
Also, I don't watch the news, because I don't want to be depressed any more than I have to be. My cousin sends me any "Mormon" clips he finds every day on the internet. Most of it is depressing/bashing - so I sift the titles for something interesting ... doesn't happen very often.

Debbie said...

I have always read that the people who do the best in emergency situations are those that have imagined the outcome ahead of time. I am right there with you. The macabre thoughts that run through my mind are scary.

Debbie said...

I voted. Somehow I thought I couldn't vote since I'm not Mormon. I know - I'm an idiot. But anyway, everyone go vote!!!

wendy said...

Maybe you and Jack Bauer should team up ( you know, the 24 guy, is it Bower, Bauer, ???)

Jessica G. said...

I just hope you're not pregnant when the bank robbers come...then I'd feel sorry for those poor guys.

Chaka said...

I am glad to hear that I'm not the only one who plays those scenarios out in their mind. I already know what I would do. I used to work at a credit union and would imgagine this all day. If I'm a customer, I pretend to be severly brain damaged (which isn't hard for me). My acting skills make the robber underestimate me and when he's not looking-Boom!

Heidi said...

I'm like this about racism. You can rob a bank and I'll keep quiet, but you sure as hell better not call anyone anything racist.

Because I will take you DOWN.

Eowyn said...

I'm so coming to visit and anonymously following you around. Will you do some of that while on your trip in a couple of weeks? Cuz then I'll just have your back!