Monday, August 17, 2009

I got nothin'.

My sister hijacked my laptop for seventy hours last night so she could "research mp3 players" which apparently means "play on Facebook." And by "play on Facebook," I mean she hacked my account and posted that I shaved my head. True story.

Anyway, since laptop custody didn't revert to me until nearly one million o'clock at night, I decided I was just too tired to blog. That's what happens after a long day of. . . sitting around, I guess? I think that's what I did yesterday. I have a vague memory of trying to explain to my grandmother who I was about a half dozen times, scooping some potato salad off of her blouse, and then chatting with a cousin I don't see often enough while I wondered if she noticed how many Ruffles potato chips I was eating. Because it was a lot.

But I figured I'd blog when I got up this morning. And that was a good idea until I realized I didn't have anything to blog about. I'm tired of blogging about being pregnant. Apparently two blog posts per trimester is going to be my limit. As of right now. (Warning DaNae: if I become obsessed with every muscle twinge in my second trimester, I WILL inform Bloglandia and remain completely unchanged in my achy pregancy reports course even as I watch my ranks of followers dwindle ever downward, because I am a CRANKY pregnant woman.)

Anyway, for the first time in months, I opened my Word file marked "Blog ideas." Some of the ideas were boring. Some more were boring. Then a couple of more after that were boring. Then there was the handful that made say, "What the freak?" Like this:

Sometimes I feel like saying “no.” Connect with we’re related = No. Just no.

That is lifted word for word from my list. Clearly I added the second part so I would have some details to jog my memory. Only now it's just making me more confused. What does this mean? I've been sitting here for an hour trying to figure out what I might have been thinking. Retracing my train of thought from a distance of a few months is a little like trying to make sense of a Lil Mama critique on America's Best Dance Crew.

So far, I wonder if little nuggest from my list has to do with some kind of Facebook application that's bothering me. Or maybe it was a response to something a cousin/sibling/child did in public that I've since repressed. I have no idea.

But my point is, I don't have a blog post today.

Ha.

26 comments:

Annette Lyon said...

I do the same thing with random stickie notes--and then have no clue what the blog idea meant from the phrase I wrote down that I was sure at the time was a brilliant idea.

And I don't have pregnancy to blame for it.

DeNae said...

I'm thinking it's a Facebook thing. I'm ashamed to say I 'ignore' all those requests that I acknowledge to the world that I am indeed related to people I've spent the last 40 years pretending didn't exist.

And I'll keep following you, Miz Melanie, even when you start whining about your pregnancy stuff. But only because I love you. (I can't remember what I said exactly, but I'm sure it was snarky. Being middle aged allows me to roll my eyes at whiny pregnant women. It's in the contract.)

Heather of the EO said...

Can I say (in very late fashion) CONGRATS!?!!!

I'm so happy for you. I'm finally catching up around here (been a totally terrible blog friend these days) and you of course cracked me up AND I got to learn this news. Thank you for making my week.

DeNae said...

I went back and checked my comments. And all I said was something terribly witty and clever about hormonal insanity. Oh, and shower curtains.

And I stand by both comments.

As well as the one where I told you I thought you were a cute pregnant lady. So hopefully that restores balance to the universe.

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

too funny!

I guess I should plan out my blogs ahead of time, too. Too often I sit at the computer staring and thinking, "What am I gonna blog about today?"

Becky said...

No. Just no.

You weren't considering the possibility of doing crack, were you? Or wearing skinny jeans? Or swearing off chocolate?

Because really, that's the correct answer to all those things.

Kimberly said...

I refuse to blog regularly about pregnancy because I already lost half my readers in my transition from Silly Blogger to Serious Blogger and my ego can't handle another mass exodus. Ironically though, I enjoy reading about other women's pregnancy woes on account of my life looking a bit more sunshiney afterwards - so whine away!

Kristina P. said...

I was sort of hoping for a TAMN-style pregnancy diary from you.

And how are we feeling about the crews this year on ANDC? Gotta go for the drag queens, clearly.

Chris said...

Now see, I liked that post. :) It's exactly how I feel today too. Well, except for the pregnancy part. haha

Chris said...

I also did want to report that TIM TAMS will be back in October. Isn't that great news? I've been hoarding one last package of them in the freezer and now I can dive in! ;)

Eowyn said...

I love that. I occasionally wander back through my drafts and wonder what I was thinking. What a great post about nothing.

Hit 40 said...

Oh it is awful when I write myself notes with no idea what they meant!!! I leave notes all over the place. I can not imagine if I died what folks would think of my cryptic writings.

Erin said...

So did you shave your head?

Just kidding.

Yeah, I know how it is to have blog drafts with cryptic messages that don't mean anything at a later time. Good luck finding stuff to blog about.

April said...

So I'm not the only one who doesn't understand Lil Mama when she tries to act all gangsta?

I am thinking that you are getting a taste of menopause with this pregnancy. You know, too many hormones, the temperature is a little too high in the house and all of a sudden you can't understand a word people are uttering to you.

At least your stay in hell is temporary.

Terresa said...

I like the part about your FB being hijacked & the status showing that you shaved your head. Excellent idea I may use on some of my own family members...

Mina said...

So I had to click over because the title of the post is a Seinfeld line. And then the end really is like that episode where Jerry awakens in the middle of the night, scrawls down something hilarious for his routine, and then can't make sense of it in the morning. George is going to a Naturalist "doctor" recommended by Kramer, and Jerry tries to get him to decipher it for him. You're living an entire episode here! Isn't that exciting?

MommyJ said...

Oh yes I do this too! All the time. The number of times I reread ideas and think, "what on earth?" It happens a lot.

And since Denae mentioned facebook, I also ignore any and all requests for anything, applications, quizzes, lost farm animals, toad in your garden, fingers up your nose hoopla that gets circulated around. And all the requests that I verify how and when I knew people. Don't they already know how they know me?

Makes me think of my husband who just ignored a friend request from his sister in law. His response was, "what? I see her all the time. And you tell me what's going on with her. Why do we need to be facebook friends?"

He's kinda got a point, I think...

I'm rambling. I'll stop now. :)

Kazzy said...

The thoughts and the bloggers have left the building. Very little buzz and traffic out there.

Emily said...

I was a little concerned about the shaved head status . . . I worried that pregnancy hormones made you very crazy! Ha Ha!

charrette said...

I have a folder full of unusable blog ideas too. One of them is -- no, never mind. It's too boring.

I love the way you just spun "nothin" into a blog post. Much like spinning straw into gold. I don't think I got that gift. :)

I'll listen to all the whining you want to post...Somehow I know you'll make me laugh about it anyway.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

The best post about nothing that I've read in a long time.

Stephanie Faris said...

Is it harder to say no to someone you're related to? That's how I read it.

I'm guilty of not writing down my ideas. I'll have a great idea for a blog or book or short story and assume it'll still be in my head by the time I conveniently get to a notepad again to write it down, but nope. It slips right out if I don't scribble it down immediately.

Julie Wright said...

I have a file of what I call "book notes" with random book ideas that are just like that. i put in stuff to jog my memory and have no idea what in the heck I was talking about. I wish my randomness was as fun to read as yours.

charrette said...

Totally missing you...even in your nothingness. :)

I'm having breakfast with DeNae this weekend...at Kneaders. Deja-vous! Wish you could join us! xo

myimaginaryblog said...

WHAT? WAIT! Pregnant? Wow, I was more behind in Reader than I realized.

I agree with Charrette about your knack for spinning straw to gold.

I had a blog ideas folder and now I've also started keeping drafts, and I usually only find unspun straw there. I used to feel bad that I wasn't ever getting around to all the great stuff that I thought was in my ideas folder, so when I looked in there and there were no good ideas, it was actually comforting. Nice to know the world is actually a better place as a result of my blog-neglect.

Okay, so I just had to go mining in my (non-blog-related) creative writing folder and here's what I found: "A world where elbows are considered the most attractive part of the body."

myimaginaryblog said...

How embarrassing to be so self-absorbed as to forget to say:

CONGRATULATIONS! (Even if it does make you cranky.)