Monday, August 31, 2009

They had it coming...

In descending order, a list of what it would take to reduce me to violence:

1. Harm to my children.

2. Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag

3. A carn horn blaring for twenty seconds, four times an hour, ALL NIGHT.

4. Approximately twenty minutes of FOX News. (I'm not judging you for watching it. I just can't do it myself.)

5. Trying to assemble any kind of do-it-yourself project. I promise if left to my own devices for more than half an hour, I will hurl a large wrench-like object with enough velocity to damage the drywall wherever I am.

6. Discovering new Sharpie art on any non-disposable, non-laminate surface.

7. Cigarette smoke. Anywhere.

8. Failing to use your turn signal.

9. A Dora the Explorer marathon.

10. Crowding me in my kickboxing class.

Clearly, I have my priorities straight.

26 comments:

Chris said...

May I add Barney to the Dora marathon? Makes my brain ooze out of my ears...

Lara said...

Hmm...and I think you'd be justified in all cases.

Except, I don't know who Spencer and Heidi are. I'll just trust you on that one.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Sounds reasonable.

Emily said...

So you don't want harm to come to Speidi or you do?

I not sure if your are a fan.

I'm not judging. I'm just not a fan. :)

MommyJ said...

I don't know much about spencer and heidi either, and I don't mind fox news. it's the only cable news station we get on our very limited dish package...

but everything else? I'm right there with you.

Annette Lyon said...

Teletubbies is worse than Dora. Just sayin'.

I'd add snoring and tapping fingers randomly on the table to your list.

Shellie said...

i just watched a soup episode where heidi was in the jungle crying over dry shampoo and I thought wow makeup really works miracles.

Kristina P. said...

Spencer and Heidi before Fox News. Can you imagine if Spencer and Heidi were on Fox News? The horror!!

Becky said...

Hee, hee! Fox News - causing violent crimes around the globe.

Kazzy said...

I agree on every point! Man, the Heidi and Spencer thing? Sheesh... what are they famous for besides being annoying?

Debbie said...

Amen! And I think 10 minutes of Fox would do me in.

Aubrey said...

Those Sharpie art pieces are going to be priceless one day.

Eowyn said...

Not sure I can think of a worse list. . except maybe someone non-handicapped w/o any kind of a sticker parking in the handicapped stalls.

Or stepping legos. . .or hot wheel type airplanes.

Or my child taking something I had just printed off and sticking behind our very heavy, difficult to move couch.

Or people clipping their fingernails during church.

Or. . .

Oh. Apparently I have a longer list than I thought.

Stephanie Faris said...

I'm still trying to figure out who Spencer and Heidi are. Reality show stars of some sort?

CaJoh said...

Just be glad that Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are not in your Kickboxing class— or are they…

L.T. Elliot said...

Hey, #1's in the right place! Does any other order count? I mean, really?

Migillicutty said...

Do you know they made Dora into a teenager??!! (seriously, go Google it if you don't believe me) Who do they expect to watch that?!

April said...

Oh come on.....Spencer is the NEW Brad Pitt! Just ask Heidi! {insert nails on chalkboard here}

That Girl said...

Markers on a new couch? For the fifth time?

Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life said...

Glad nothing bothers you. Or me either. Hee hee.

wonder woman said...

Yes, yes, and yes. So glad Spencer and Heidi aren't on E! anymore. And I can't handle more than 5 minutes of Fox news without bursting blood vessels. And I consider myself a republican.

Fantastic list, lady.

Kimberly said...

So by the way, Eowyn read me your blog while I was in the hospital and it cheered me immensely. Nothing like a fit of giggles to fight the blahs. You ROCK.

Fiauna said...

Yes, Dora reduces me to violence, and sometimes tears, too.

Heather of the EO said...

Uh huh. Uh huh.

AND

my child currently jabbering on and on and calling out for random things just to stall so he doesn't have to sleep even though it's after nine!

But I'm fine.

And the violence of course would not be on said child. Just a door or something.

Melinda said...

I get violent urges constantly, mostly with stuff thats exactly the same as your list. All very justifiable. :)

charrette said...

Those would make me homicidal too.
And now you've got me humming Chicago.