Monday, September 21, 2009

Hey, isn't that...?

Wanna know what's funny?

When a brand new white Rolls-Royce parks in front of you at the Costco. It struck me as really funny when it happened to me last week. There I was, unloading Baby G from his car seat to do a little (a lot) bit of damage at the sample stands inside and up it rolls, the Rolls. Pulls in right in front of me, and I promise you that car looks as expensive at it is.

I mean, is it me or is it just funny when a Rolls-Royce pulls into the Costco? Isn't it sort of like seeing a Bentley at the K-Mart? And am I showing my Southern roots by using "the" before the name of any major shopping chain? Don't you guys go the Wal-Mart? Where's my Southern posse?

Anyway, I bet you want to know who got out, right? No? That was just me?

Well...I was curious. So I lingered a little in the baby extraction process. (Hey, it took him over twenty four hours to decide to come out during labor. A little pay back isn't going to kill him.) Out of the the Rolls climbed three dudes and some things were immediately obvious: this was not an old rich guy's present to himself, none of these guys were likely attorneys, and I had a feeling I shouldn't cut in line if they were first at the Adele's sausage sample table.

I had a couple of guesses right off. Possibly they were in a rock band. The t-shirts, jeans, shaved heads and tattoos were a clue. Except for (1) they had muscles, and (2) you could just feel for an absolute certainty that if any of these guys ever wore skinny jeans, someone paid a violent price to make that happen. More likely: pro athletes. BUT, they were too short for the NBA, too slender for the NFL, and too....uh, gothic for pro baseball. Which led to the obvious conclusion of UFC fighters.

What, that's not an obvious jump to you? Probably that's because you don't live where every fifth former high school wrestler is angling to become the next cage fighting champ. Oh, yeah...and Tito Ortiz is from here. He's kind of a big deal in mixed martial arts/Ultimate Fighting circles. You know, where I hang out.

Anyway, I suspicioned it was Tito Ortiz. Because he was a tall, totally ripped dude flanked by two short, muscle-y dudes. As it turns out, I was right. My first clue was when I was standing in line behind them and Tito Ortiz was wearing a jersey that said, "Ortiz" across the back.

The second clue was when we ran into each other at the freezer case full of chicken and his friend said he loved my shirt. Because it was my Goonies shirt. And seriously, I could go to Costco topless and still get less comments than I do on my Goonies shirt. (Which I bought as a fluke one time when I forgot to bring clothes on a date with Kenny, but that's another story.) And then some loud dude was like, "Hey, you're Tito Ortiz, right?" and all kinds of craziness ensued. I snuck away but three minutes later the cheese case was abuzz with people bragging, "I shook his hand!" "Well, I got a picture with him!" "Oh, yeah? I made out with him for twenty seconds in front of the mango juice!" (but nobody believed that guy).

And then I thought to myself, "I think fame would suck." I've seen a ton of celebrities in real life in random situations (the ballet, grocery store, sidewalk, casino, blah blah blah) and NOT ONCE have a I NOT seen some misguided passers-by act like total idiots around them. And I feel bad for the famous folks. I have never asked for an autograph and probably wouldn't. I just think they ought to be left alone to do their thing unless they're walking the red carpet or something, you know? I think the best kind of fame would be where everyone knows your name, but no one knows your face.

Like say, if I were a famous author. . .

21 comments:

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

Add me to your Southern posse. We say going to the Wallyworld instead of Wal-mart b/c it's like a carnival, circus, grocery store and hangout all in one. :-)

I had to look up who Tito Ortiz was but I agree with you on the celebrity headaches though. I too would love to be a known author, known for my words, not my face. But even crazed fans could still approach you if you were lucky enough to be like Stephen King or J.K. Rowling.

How was that cheese sample stand, by the way? :-)

Emma said...

So true, just leave them alone

Love Costco

Lara said...

I guess it's nice to know that the rich and famous still shop at Costco.

I would never want to be famous. Nuh-uh. No way. Rich, maybe. Famous, no.

Kristina P. said...

Your powers of observation astound me. It probably would have taken me hours to figure out who he was. How's Jenna Jameson?

April said...

I would not want to be mobbed and hounded like the famous people are. However, I wouldn't mind a few more dollars in my pocket. (And I would still shop at "the" Costco.)

Annette Lyon said...

I hear that New Yorkers are "cool" about celebrities and give them space, But that could just be a rumor. :)

And I have no clue who Tito is. But I'll take your word for it that he's famous.

Becca said...

"IF?"
"If I'm a famous author?"
Maybe more like "when" - and we're all standing in a line outside "the" Barnes and Noble for a signed copy of any one of your books.

Kazzy said...

When we lived in LA we ran into Gina Davis umpteen times in parking garages, at the mall in Century City, etc. It became funny (to us)!

Luisa Perkins said...

I'm here to confirm the truth of the rumor Annette mentioned. We're totally cool around our celebrities.

I love everything about this post.

Migillicutty said...

Becca, if she wants to be a famous author, but only by name, then she's gonna have to wear a paper bag on her head to that book signing. :)

Can somebody ask Kenny how to upload an HTML pic as a background for my blog, please?

Stephanie Faris said...

That is pretty funny...although many rich people shop at Costco. I think of it as classier than Wal-Mart or even Sam's. My boyfriend's daughter lives in the rich part of town and it seems many people there do all of their shopping at Trader Joe's or Whole Food. They can't go to the regular grocery store. They can't shop at Macy's or JCPenney either...has to be exclusive, snooty boutiques. It's kind of funny, actually, because I think if I were rich I'd still want to go to the regular places. But then I wouldn't be driving a fancy car either!

annie valentine said...

Kind of like how I went to The BYU.

I totally want to see your Goonies shirt.

MommyJ said...

I am all about the famous author kind of fame. :)

Oh, and southern posse checking in. I absolutely shop at the Wal-mart. And I live on the Highlands Rd.

Kimberly said...

My feelings exactly. Both thinking they should be left alone and thinking the famous author gig sounds pretty dang sweet...

...until you realize how hard they have to work for it, of course.

charrette said...

I totally leave people like that alone. Except when they were my clients. Then I treated them like regular people. Which they mostly are.

abangxxx said...

Mind You,
These guys never wanted to be left alone. They needed that attention, its their drugs.
Well, go on with your writing.
This writer can be contacted at:
abangxxx-daroblog.blogspot.com

CaJoh said...

Wow… celebrity's who shop— who would have thought.

I saw a Mercedes with a boot the other day, so I guess that not all famous people pay their parking tickets either.

But at least I can say "I knew her when"…

Eowyn said...

I actually find the white Rolls at Costco pretty funny, but in a slightly cool way.

I call Wal-Mart "Stuff-Mart" in honor of VeggieTales.

I hope I never, ever mob a famous person. I hope I treat them like human beings if I have to interact with them.

L.T. Elliot said...

I'm sad to say that I have no idea who Tito Ortiz is.

Better watch out for your crazy soon-to-be-author-fandom. =]

myimaginaryblog said...

Yes, famous author is definitely the way to go. :)

I've recently realized that, besides rarely leaving the confines of my home, the other reason I'm not good at celebrity-spotting is that I don't know what any of them look like.

Also, I was watching various kids in formals walking around various parts of downtown Provo last weekend (maybe it was the high school's Homecoming, maybe there was a BYU thing going on) (I've gotten too old to be able to tell teens from young adults) and I was thinking how funny their formal wear looked next to the little run-down shops on Provo Center Street, and then I was thinking that there really aren't many places you could go in the world and not look funny in your formal wear just by stepping out of wherever the event's being hosted.

(I tell you all this just to say that I think I'd have found the Rolls at Costco to be funny, too.)

Emily said...

That is too funny! You better watch out! This could be your future!