An apple for Teacher

So if you ask James's teacher or the school secretary, they'll tell you that I'm stingy and neglectful. But it's all James's fault!

It started with an interesting voicemail last week. Our district is experiencing a widespread lice outbreak. The message was from the school secretary. "Hi, this is Donna. I was just calling to tell you that James came into the office because he thought he had lice." No, James came into the office becase he was bored in language arts. "I checked him and he doesn't have lice." I know. I checked him, too. "He does have cradle cap." I know. It's right at the crown. I told him that two days before. "He'll need to scrub that hard--" Yeah, told him that, too. "-- and then use baby oil to help moisturize the dry area. Also, he says he doesn't have any shampoo, so that's just something you might want to look into."

James has shampoo. James picked out the bottle with me two weeks ago. James just can't ever remember where he puts the shampoo or to use it even when it's sitting right on the edge of the bathroom. MULTIPLE discussions about how to wash hair seem to have all bounced off his cradle capped skull except for the part that says "Rinse thoroughly with water" because that's all he does.

But really, try explaining that to the school secretary who handled your child that self-reported for non-existent lice.

As if that weren't enough, Kenny let James take one of his handmade necklaces to school to give to his teacher, who loved it. She wrote a lovely thank you note to both Kenny and James. James was so pleased by this that he wanted to know if Kenny could make a barracuda necklace for his teacher's husband. Kenny said he'd see what he could do. Then James began to prowl through Kenny's inventory looking for other necklaces Kenny might not be so attached to. He found another one with a flower that Kenny said he could have. James wanted to give that to Mrs. Greyshock too but I told him not to because it wouldn't be seemly. It's a hard concept to explain to a ten-year-old with no thought of sucking up. He just likes that she likes his gifts.

When I mentioned this morning that his teacher had noted in response to his homework assignment that she also loves Calvin and Hobbes, he got excited. "I have a Calvin and Hobbes book that I finished. I'm going to give it to her!" I gently explained that it was best if he didn't. It's a vague notion in my own head why not, but I think I basically explained that I didn't want her to feel like he was giving her things just to impress her or get a better grade, even if his intentions were pure. I explained that there's a time and place for gift giving and maybe we could save that idea for Christmas or teacher appreciation week.

Tonight when I sent him up for a bath after a STERN reminder to scrub his hard WITH SHAMPOO, he said, "Oh, by the way, I told Mrs. Greyshock that I wanted to give her my Calvin and Hobbes book but you wouldn't let me. She was sad." Turns out, of course, that he didn't explain why.

I'm going to kill him.