Thursday, November 12, 2009

The art of (t-shirt) war.

The other day I was at Disneyland and in the crush to get through the security line, some guy and his wife decided to cut in front of me.

ME.

Let's put aside that it was ME and why would you do that to ME? I'm cute and nice and stuff.

Let's add in the fact that I am VERY visibly pregnant and I was pushing a two-year-old in a stroller. Why would you cut in front of HIM?

The best part of it all? The line jumper was wearing a BYU t-shirt.

Nice.

Now, I'm a huge LSU fan and I wouldn't have cared if someone in an LSU shirt did this. And I graduated from BYU but that's not why it bothered me. It's because everyone sees "BYU" and thinks "Mormon." What if I didn't happen to be a nice Mormon mommy who knew better? Maybe I'd think, "Oh, those Mormons are RUDE."

So I stewed about it for a while and then Baby G and I rode the Dumbo ride and I pretty much healed my inner psychic pain after that. So that was good.

But also, I got a fabulous idea. I think that anytime I'm majorly passionate about a political issue, I'm going to wear a shirt supporting the opposite side of the issue and then run around doing rude things. And I'm going to organize a grassroots movement of people who do the same thing. For example, I feel very strongly about these little fish thingies living in the Sacramento delta (I don't). And we have a water shortage in California due partly to environmental groups who successfully sued to protect those fish in that habitat. So now we have all kinds of water supply issues and watering is a very expensive proposition for farmers at the moment. But dammit, those little whatever-they're-calleds deserve to live! So I'm going to put on a "Down with the fishies!" t-shirt and then run around cutting in line, stealing parking spaces, littering, spitting out gum on sidewalks, and driving while talking on my cell phone--all while wearing that t-shirt. And I'm going to enlist all my California Facebook friends to do the same.

And you know what? I think everyone is going to turn against the anti-fish people because of their rudeness and the little fish thingies are going to live in undisturbed harmony forever.

Brilliant, right?

Why yes, I am delirious. Why do you ask?

24 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I don't think this is delirious, I think it's brilliant.

I will start with a Mario Lopez shirt.

LisAway said...

You're a genius!

I HATE when people with the same politics as me do stupid things. Like repeatedly mentioning how stupid global warming is when it's colder than ever etc. It makes us all look dumb.

Why is cutting in line such an offensive thing? I seriously can't stand it, and it's SO normal in Poland. People do it ALL THE TIME. And I get SO mad every single time. You can wait ten minutes in a grocery line and someone will just come and stand in front of you. It's so weird. I always point out that I was there first and people are usually very surprised that I say anything and go find someone else to cut in front of.

I remember the first time this happened it was a little old lady! So weird! But then I learned that old people are the top offenders.

Ambrosia said...

Oh, wow! That is an excellent idea. I have a few groups I will be making T-Shirts for...

L.T. Elliot said...

You are the smartest woman ALIVE!

Line-cutting makes me crazy. My lil' dudes are autistic and they cannot understand line-cutting. It literally baffles them. To them, they've been taught that it's rude and unfair and you just don't do it. So when other kids do it, they tend to meltdown. I can't say I blame them. I've taught them it's unfair--how can I expect them to understand and have patience for people who flout that?

I'll wear a "down with fishies!" shirt, Melanie. Let's make up a print STAT!

MommyJ said...

I'm with kristina p... it is brilliant. And I totally want one of her Mario Lopez shirts...

Becca said...

I want one. Can the fishies look Dr. Seuss-y? With cute little faces that make people say "Awwww" right before they realize what we're trying to say?

Clearly I've missed my calling in politics.

Kazzy said...

My blood boils so fast when this kind of stuff happens. Arghhhh.

I love you idea about the t-shirt though. You have a Sean Hannity one??

And Lisa's comment about old people being the worst offenders.... LOL I guess I just know nice old people.

Josi said...

Oh I love it! Put me on the list, although the fish thing might confuse the people in Utah--I don't want to be left out. (and I did get your mascara suggestion, I simply have not had time to buy a tube because I'm a time nazi--and because Julie's mascara is so awesome and she's so generous. Very enabling of her, don't you think? All her fault)

Carolyn V. said...

LOL! That is so funny! I love it!

Lara said...

Why Miss Melanie, I do declare...you are brilliant!

And you should have said something to Mr. and Mrs. BYU. Made them think about their actions and everything. Unless they already had your idea, and that was exactly what they were trying to do: make people hate BYU.

CountessLaurie said...

Yep, brilliant. LOVE IT!

Eowyn said...

Beyond brilliant!!! I want a fishy t-shirt too with a Dr. Seuss fish on it! Down with those whatever-they're-called's!!

You. Are. Awesome!!!

wendy said...

Yes --it is brilliant.
Of course when we see someone wearing a BYU t-shirt we assume MORMON and expect good behavior ---or the prejudices that go with it. More fuel for that fire.

I like to wear University of Utah shirts and do all kinds of NASTY things --(j/k) ...the whole BYU. U of U rivalry and all

Beware what you WEAR

and good luck to the fishies

Migillicutty said...

Question: Why don't you just move the fishys to an aquarium?

Guess I am even more of a geneus than you, which is saying a LOT.

(If you think about that you will realize that I was actually comlementing you. But only if you think about it ;)

DeNae said...

Miss Migilicutty, the fish ARE in an aquarium. It's just reeeeally big.

And I've read about as much sass against the U of U as I'm gonna take, Melanie's comment writers!

And I think Lara's right; it probably WAS someone trying to make BYU look bad!

DeNae said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
April said...

You are a genious!!! I'm going to put on a University of Wyoming shirt right now and go stop traffic! (Oh wait, they don't need any help)

Migillicutty said...

oh.

Emily said...

What a jerk! I TOTALLY would have said something!

But that's me . . . I never keep my thoughts to myself ESPECIALLY when I'm prego and pissed off. ;)

Zina said...

A few years ago when my brother told me about the "Hot or Not" website I briefly had a kind of a sick fascination, especially when I discovered you could do keyword searching--which is how I found out there were quite a few BYU students on there who were not doing anything, shall we say, to promote the way BYU would like to be viewed. It was pretty sad, actually--they were making themselves so vulnerable in a really risky way.

(My other bit of "Hot or Not" keyword-acquired wisdom is that ALL young British guys are in a band.)

As for your t-shirt concept, now when I see someone in a t-shirt I disagree with behaving in ways I disapprove of, I'll just have to tell myself that they're unwittingly playing for my team.

stewbert said...

*snort* awesome. I've thought about doing something similar before but never got the idea written down so well.

Kristina, I heart you.

Jami said...

Brilliant! In addition to messing up someone's crazy cause, it is free-license to behave oddly/badly. And seriously I could use a day of just being able to wander around saying and doing anything I feel like with out having to think it through.

Kimberly said...

I so want to do the same thing, but I live in too small a town to pull it off.

Maybe if I first master the art of disguise...

Nicole said...

Remind me not to get on your bad side!