Monday, January 4, 2010

My Word

I can't help it; I've given in.

I gave up resolutions a few years ago because I'm pretty good about setting goals as needed. A new year always feel more like it starts to me when school does, not right after Christmas.

But between my Facebook status update feed and blogland, I was feeling left out of all the resolution making. And THEN when you add in choosing a word for the year? Really, how am I supposed to resist that? I've even made my word coordinate with my one resolution. How forward-thinking is THAT?

So my word for the year is: Kardashian.

And my resolution is: We will not do anything interesting enough as a family to merit our own reality show.

I feel pretty good about that. I mean, it'll be hard for sure. There's a lot of stuff you have to stay on top of to avoid your own reality show. For example, I'll have to not to become nor associate with any little people chocolatiers. And I'll have to make sure just one baby comes out in March and not six or more.

It actually gets HARDER than that, if you can believe it. I'll have to not tart either of my little boys up in hooker shellac and put them in little girl beauty pageants. Or have a meltdown in the fitting room of a bridal shop. I can't move into a houseful of strangers for any reason: no trying to chase the same self-involved bachelor or fighting with a bunch of twenty-year-olds about the house rules for nekkid hot tub hijinks. I'll have to keep the volume down in my hair so I don't accidentally get recruited to the Jersey shore.

There's more. I can't manufacture any crazy home science experiments and then hide my kid in the attic while people freak out. I definitely can't spend any time with Paris, LiLo, or Britney. (They'll be super bummed.) I'll have to avoid desert islands and resist the urge to eat bugs even if it wins me a cool immunity necklace. I'll have to remember that I'm pregnant so I don't suddenly get a day-long stomach ache and shock myself by pooping out a baby I forgot I was pregnant with. I'll have to leave my ridiculous costumes at home and not show up to screech a Lady Gaga song acapella for Simon and Randy.

I can't even attempt to become crazy good at cake decorating and if I do get really good at it, I must avoid being adopted by an Italian family OR getting any tattoos. Also, although I'm a housewife, I can't become desperate in any way, shape or form, ESPECIALLY because I live in Orange County.

I know, right? It's a much harder goal than it seemed like at first. But I'm committed. And I'm not just giving up after a week, either. I'm going to stay off of reality TV for at least a WHOLE YEAR.

But I believe in me. Wish me luck. . .

28 comments:

Mary Campbell said...

loved this - very funny. With the epic hijinks of my 8yo - I'm worried we may end up in the spotlight somehow.

Kazzy said...

I laughed out loud at this post. Funny! I loved the shellac comment. Yeah, stay away from that one.

Kristina P. said...

Which Kardashian, specifically? I'm going with Khloe. She doesn't have a sex tape, sadly, and she actually got married without ever being pregnant. She's the paragon of class.

wonder woman said...

I think the only show I've studiously avoided is Jersey Shore. It scares me.

My hillbilly FIL knows who the Kardashians are. Isn't that nuts?!

DeNae said...

Well it sounds to me like you're not going to be any fun at all. My kinda gal.

Chantele said...

That's hilarious!:)

Becca said...

You make it all worth it - the fact that I don't watch TV. Now, armed with all your good information, I can totally carry on a conversation with anyone who might want to talk Reali-TV. (you know, if anyone wanted to talk to me about such a thing...)

L.T. Elliot said...

Wise resolutions. Although you might struggle with not moving into a house full of strangers. Because doesn't EVERYONE want to?

Luisa Perkins said...

You can do it! Stay strong.

(You really are hilarious.)

Kenny, the Husband said...

Uh-oh, sweetheart, what about the new reality show on E, "So I Married a Computer Nerd Who Thinks He's a Rockstart" ?!?!?

I think you're in trouble!

Tracy said...

I don't know...that's a lot to take on and sounds kind of hard. I'm rooting for you though.

wendy said...

THAT. was so dang funny. Honestly, I think you set your goals way to high.
deep down inside I KNOW you want to be like the Kardashians.

so good luck with that and let us know how it goes. (tee,hee)

Debbie said...

Kardashian is just the best word of the year yet! I haven't chosen a word. You've inspired me now. I'll have to give this some thought.

MommyJ said...

You are hilarious... I tell you what... when you put all those reality tv people right there next to each other, it's down right scary. So glad you won't be amongst them.

Melinda said...

Of all the resolutions I've heard, I really think your's is the hardest one yet, good luck with that. I'll pray for you. :)

Lara said...

Seriously, yours is the best New Year's word I've ever heard. I mean, how can you possibly get better than that? And if you keep to this resolution, you might as well be translated.

Emily said...

Don't be a Kardashian.

Enough said.

I don't know how THEY even do it . . . I mean, don't you have to TRY to be that crazy?

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

This is so funny. But seriously, I wish more people felt this way!

Amber Lynae said...

You are going to have a rough year. I wish you luck in keeping your non-resolution.

If you fall off the band wagon, I will be sitting at my television watching you. :)

Terresa said...

Love this resolution, it really made me laugh!! ("We will not do anything interesting enough as a family to merit our own reality show.")

You are brilliant & so funny, my bloggy friend!

That Girl said...

This needs to be posted where EVERYONE can read it. Somewhere like ... people.com's home page?

Dedee said...

Awesome! Great post!

Julie Wright said...

hilarious! You are seriously hilarious.

Karen said...

I don't know. That sounds like a pretty big challenge! But I'm sure with perseverance you can succeed!

Oh, and Kardashian makes a great adjective.

East of Eden said...

I found you thru DeNae, and I have to say, this post had me in stiches.

Sadly, I find the Kardashians like a train wreck I cannot look away from, that is of course, until Amazing Race comes on....

Nishant said...

- I'm worried we may end up in the spotlight somehow.

Work from home India

Anonymous said...

I will not agree on it. I over warm-hearted post. Specially the title attracted me to be familiar with the sound story.

Heather of the EO said...

I think you must be the funniest person on the worldwideinterweb.