Look, I don't want to say anything ill of DeNae, but...she's kind of a bad influence. I bet you all thought when you saw my New Year's resolution on Monday that I picked something easy. Even though I TOLD you it wouldn't be. Even though I gave you MULTIPLE examples of how hard it would be.
Maybe now you'll believe me when I tell you that DeNae is already forcing me perilously close to breaking my resolution of not being interesting enough for reality TV by forcing me to reveal my extreme psychic powers.
I'm only doing this because you're my friend, DeNae, but if TLC starts calling and waving a contract around, then I'm holding you responsible to send your husband down to shoo them off with his gun.
All right, here's the situation. Before Christmas, I told all my bloggy friends they could ask me a question and I'd answer it. I got lots of questions. And I've answered all but a few of them. I WILL get to all of them, but DeNae has asked me her question an additional 43 times so I'm jumping her to the head of the remaining line.
DeNae's burning question is: Where is her remote?
Sigh. SIGH. SIGH.
I've never revealed this before, but I have an amazing bond with what some of you might think of as a cheap toy store novelty or a parlor trick at best. But that's because either
1) you don't like the truth yours tells you
2) you don't know how to use it right
I'm not going to reveal all my secrets here, but let this suffice: The Magic 8 Ball IS all-knowing, and in the words of the Cristina Aguilera, YOU just have to know how to rub it the right way. And I'm not giving that piece of information up.
Anyway, I asked the 8-ball for you, DeNae. And I know where your remote is. I suggest you fortify yourself with whatever you go to when a bracing glass of cold water won't do the trick. I wish I could be there with you to hold your hand as I tell you this, but I'm sending out a psychic handhold to you right now. Can you feel it? I know, I'm powerful, right?
Your remote...well. It slipped into the fourth dimension. There's a much more complicated explanation the 8-ball gave me involving small creatures that hijack these things because the infrared chip that makes your remote work wirelessly is a power source for their miniature vehicles. But frankly, it sounded like nonsense. I can neither confirm nor deny the truth of that. I CAN tell you that it's definitely in the fourth dimension. I'd say it's time to keep one of your children home at all times in case you may be in need of channel changing.
I'm so very, very sorry. I can happily report that the answers to the remaining questions I've been asked are not nearly so grim. Happy Wednesday, all. DeNae, just do your best to soldier on.