Thursday, February 3, 2011

What Not to Wear

Tuesday was a new low. I woke up and stood rifling through my closet, excited to pick out something to wear. Looking forward to dressing up.

Because I was going to the dentist.

How did I get to this point? This point where other than Sunday, going to the dentist is my reason for dressing up?

And no, my dentist is not hot.

But he represented the Holy Grail of my current phase of motherhood: Getting Out of the House Without the Children.

I used to be considered quite stylish. 

I have a massive shoe collection. I can't wear anything that would result in a broken ankle if I tried to chase a toddler while holding an infant. This eliminates 90% of my shoes.

I have a fantastic accessory collection. We are at the point where I can't wear necklaces or earrings because 1) Eden broke three necklaces in a row and I'm only dumb enough to experience something three times before I learn my lesson and 2) I enjoy my earlobes in their current condition.

It's really hard to maintain my wardrobe standards 1) without the help of a nanny and 2) when the uppermost question in my mind while dressing is, "How will I feel if pee gets on this?"

Good news, honey! Your credit card will likely atrophy before I pull it out to shop any time soon.


LisAway said...

This is hilarious on so many levels. What mother does not know exactly what you're talking about when it comes to "dressing up" to "go out" to something like a dentist appointment?

I broke a tooth when Spencer was a week old (on Christmas Eve) and went to the dentist a few days later. It was weird to get ready for anything at that point in time.

And some women might say, "90% of my shoes are heels" but Melanie says, "I can't wear anything that would result in a broken ankle if I tried to chase a toddler while holding an infant. This eliminates 90% of my shoes." How do you not love someone like that, I ask you?

Kristina P. said...

I hope your dentist was hot and could appreciate this!

Kimberly said...

I'm with Lisa, this is HEE-LARIOUS. Well, also sad. A bit of a tragedy, really. But your funny turns of phrase have a tendency to make me giggle, even though I'm in the deepest throes of sympathy here. Honest.

becca said...

So you could think of the money you're saving on dry cleaning, because what woman who holds even a shred of her sanity wears dry-cleanable clothes during this piece of motherhood?

Also, there's this: Your personal hotness only rarely derives from your clothes. I'm just saying. Clothes are an accessory, and you can live with simplicity.

Still stylish. From the inside. Right?

Barbaloot said...

Ha-I feel that way sometimes and I only have nieces or nephews to destroy my fashion. I can't imagine what I'll be like when I have my own children 24/7.

Susan said...

I went into the Gap today and didn't even bother to look for clothes for myself for these very reasons. I just got stuff for the kids.

Also, I mainly pull my hair back in a ponytail every day, don't shower and get out of my pajamas until three (and only because I have to pick the kids up from school).

We would not have believed we'd ever be like this back in college.


peewee said...

HAHAHAHA! #2 is hilarious. For us, your readers, not you so much.

I just stare at my heels now. And I don't even have kids to chase around. i am not even lying when I tell you that I had a friend over awhile back and we were trying on all my cute designer-y shoes laughing at how much money we've wasted and how we'd still do it again when I put on my highest 4 inch pradas and NOT EVEN WALKING, fell over. Just standing.

The sad part is, I DO still buy them. So hey, at least you have your sanity!

wendy said...

that made me giggle...cause it soooo sounds like me.
I rarely go anywhere that requires anything more then jeans, t-shirt, and good Ropers (boots)

so when I actually DO get to dress up (like you I have a whole wardrobe of "stuff" from when I was a working girl downtown SLC)
I feel like I am going to the Prom or something.

My decisions don't amount to much more then black t-shirt...or navy blue one with my hubby's fireman logo on it.
ahhhh, country life

L.T. Elliot said...

The concerns about getting peed on? Serious concerns in motherhood. You also should consider which jacket/cardigan you don't want smeared with arrowroot cookies and eliminate all dark colors because spit up looks fluorescent against it. =P

But I hear you about dressing up for the dentist. Sometimes, I get dressed up to go to the PO Box because it counts as getting the heck out of the house.

Debbie said...

I am still stuck in that wardrobe and my youngest is 13! I think I was just in it for so many years that it kinda too root.

Melinda said...

Oh my gosh did you write this about me?! I look forward to Sundays so much to get "cute" but I still can't wear stuff I REALLY want to because you know that cute dress in the back, yup, can't wear it because I'm still nursing and besides the fact that I can't zip it up around my ginormous boobs, I also can't pop those things out when the time comes. But yes, I was so excited when my cousin got married so I could pull something cute out and have a reason to get dressed up! I get ya, I get ya.

InkMom said...

The great thing about shoes (specifically, of course, heels) is that, unless they're suede, kid pee is extremely easy to remove should an unfortunate incident occur. So I say, wear 'em anyway! I do! And I nearly kill myself (and the baby) every time I go down the 15 stairs to the garage wearing stilettos, but I look darn good doing it.

Sarah said...

Don't forget that you can't wear anything but gray... because it will blend in with whatever cereal you fed the baby that day...

Charlotte said...

I am the same way. I dress up to go shopping sometimes because that will be my only chance.

Although I was never stylish so it is hard to tell the difference.

Lara said...

While I wish I didn't have to work, its one redeeming quality (okay there's more than one, but the MAIN one) is that I can dress up and look cute.

My kids are finally out of baby stage though, so it does get better.

I USED to worry about pee, and thankfully that's in the past! :) Hope you had a wonderful dentist appointment and that you looked smashingly fabulous whilst your teeth were being cleaned!