Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Cut off

Last night I unsubscribed from a few blogs I follow and I admit that in a few cases, I did so gleefully.


I am petty. 


Right now, in this moment regarding this situation, I DON'T CARE.


One of these blogs was from someone fairly well-established in one community of bloggers I hang around who has every so often sent out blanket "Read my blog" email invites. So I go. I follow. I comment from time to time in an effort to build a relationship. She never reciprocates. 


Bye bye.


I don't think that everyone whose blog I like has to in turn like mine and come back and comment. But I do think it takes a lot of gall to invite someone to read your blog merely so you can be worshipped and petted.


So that was a fun one to click "Unfollow."


For sure, blogging has made my life richer. But it is 90% a reciprocal relationship for me. I read very few blogs where I don't have some type of connection to the blogger. If I don't comment on your blog, I don't expect the same from you. Sometimes commenters drop by here and I'll swing by their blog a few times but I find I don't have much in common with them and so I can't think of anything to say. That's okay. It's okay if people do the same to me.


But heaven knows I wouldn't be harrassing someone to come read me if I had no intention of ever trying to be their friend, too. And I HATE the idea of blogging just for business. I have zero problem with monetizing a blog, but the idea that the whole purpose behind someone starting a blog, ESPECIALLY A RANDOM MUSINGS personal blog, to make money is off-putting somehow. That's someone who doesn't understand the social side of blogging. If you're a craft blogger and trying to parlay it into fame and moola, this makes perfect sense to me. But a personal blog that doesn't grow from an authentic place of participating in both sides of the "sharing" equation" rubs me the wrong way.


All right. I've taken a deep breath and I'm done now.


I'm off to visit blogs of people I like and want to hear from. Because that's why I blog. 


P.S. I'm sure many of you are dying to hang out with me EVEN MORE after this, so that being the case, if you're Twitter, click in the sidebar to be my friend. I want to Tweet with more people I know but I can't figure out how to find all of you. Oh, and I'll give away a copy of The List if I get to a 100 followers by Friday. 78 is embarrassing when 62-ish are those creepy web-bot spammer things.

31 comments:

TheOneTrueSue said...

I'm suelikestoblog on Twitter. But I never tweet anymore so I'm not sure how exciting that'll be.

I feel badly about not being able to comment on all of the blogs of the people who comment on mine. Some of those people I DO feel connected to. It's just - work, and baby, and house cleaning, and piano, and - something has to give, you know? But I understand what you're saying - I understand the distinction.

Off to click on your twitter clickity.

Chantele Sedgwick said...

I feel bad not visiting blogs that leave comments on mine. I do try to reciprocate comments, but like you said, it's hard when you have nothing in common with that person.
I love meeting new people and making new blogging friends. I have quite a few people visit my blog every day and I LOVE to see comments from each and every one of them. I do like any comment, but when someone leaves a comment just to get me to follow their blog and never comes back to mine again? Ya. You know. :)

I'm not on twitter every hour of the day, but I'm following you. :)

Kristina P. said...

I agree that there is a great degree of reciprocity with blogging. There are probably 20 Bloggers I can think of that if they never left me a comment on my blog, I would still visit and comment on theirs.

When I first started blogging, I used to comment and visit anyone who commented on mine, and continually do that. I stopped doing that.

I will return every comment I get from someone new, but I only continually return if they come back again.

LisAway said...

Yeah, see. That's what I was worried about. After I mentioned about that monetizing on my blog a few people mentioned the idea of starting a blog just for that purpose and I'm like, who would read that? Why would anybody come to see what I'm advertising? Just seems quite lame, even if you ARE making genuine posts that might be interesting. I don't know. But to then try to convince people to read that blog? I don't know. I'm not really for that.

Anyway, I gave up on the whole reciprocal thing a long time ago, although I do visit the blog of anyone who comments on mine, just to say hello and see who they are, but admittedly, I don't often follow their blogs. So I think I'm kinda like you. (except that loads of people still follow your blog just cause you're awesome, and I totally don't hold that against you. You can't help it, I realize.)

Stephanie Black said...

Just for the record, here I am, commenting on your blog Don't drop me! Please! I need you! :)

Sierra Gardner said...

I try to comment on other blogs whenever I can, although sometimes I just don't have anything to say. I definitely try to respond to comments left on my blog. It's just a nice thing to do =)

Kazzy said...

Amen, sistah! I believe anyone who says they don't really care about reciprocity is lying. I write for 2 reasons. 1- to be read. 2- to make connections.

Sarah M Eden said...

A wise woman once said, "Just for the record, here I am, commenting on your blog Don't drop me! Please! I need you! :)"
I would like to echo that sentiment.

Melinda said...

I totally get what you're saying, commenting is a rough thing. I used to comment as much as possible (sometimes hoping I could get a little more traffic too), but if I don't have anything in common with you it is so hard to comment. But I hate the people that go around commenting on anything and everything just so they get more people over at their spot. I think blogging should be about friendship definitely, but I guess when you're first getting started the lure of being popular is hard to resist. :)

p.s. I would still comment here even if you hated me! :)

Susan said...

This is why I only visit about five blogs. I don't have the time to reciprocate on anything more than that. And I too have dropped a few because they never reciprocate. It's irking.

Jenny P. said...

I have to love a blog to read a blog. The end.

And seriously... it is hard for me to carve out even a little bit of time from my week to write a post every now and again. WHEN do people find the time to comment and comment and comment and comment and comment... just to get people back following them?

Kazzy said it perfectly. I like to be read, and I like to feel connected. But good grief, I don't want to be connected with EVERYONE. That just sounds like too much work.

And I pretty much don't even refer to you as a blog friend anymore. I just call you, "My author friend Melanie who would be my best friend if we were neighbors." Cause I'm pretty sure we would be.

doreen said...

I loved your rant. I always answer comments...and follow if I find a connection. I try my very best to visit everyone who follows me at least once a month. Sometimes I do and other times it can be tough.
The worst thing for me is when I work hard to write something emotional and someone comments "following you now..please follow back" Ugghh...

Erin said...

I wonder if I unfollowed the same blog you unfollowed for exactly the same reason. Pretty sure it is the same one.

And as for the paragraph you wrote about monetizing and social blogging? Amen. I totally agree.

Amber said...

Reciprocity is key to building relationships. While I do visit every person who comments on my blog, I, also, don't feel I need to force a connection.

Having met you in person, I really DO want to be your friend. I'm even on Twitter, except I haven't tweeted in, I don't know, 5 months. (My handle is @ambrosiat.)

Maggie said...

Melanie, one thing I've found to be true is that "followers" don't necessarily mean "readers". Darn it! You've definitely got the market on "readers", even if you don't have the high numbers of followers yet.

I often hop over to your witty blog and am so jealous of your 10+ comments you get on nearly every post.

Maggie said...

And one more thing...

I was thinking, why don't I follow or comment on some people's blogs? And it comes down to this. If I see the blogger already has a billion followers or 67 comments for their post that said: "Not feeling well today, catch you next week," I am utterly annoyed. I guess it's like the nerd hating the popular cheerleader or something. I usually pass on those ones.

Tracy Loewer said...

I do the same thing every once in a while. I only have so much time, and often have a few dry spells where I can't get around to any blogs. I'm not too demanding (I mean, I only blog a handful of times/month), but I'd much rather spend my limited time online with people who reciprocate at least some of the time. I've made some great friends this way, so it's a method that works!

Karen Peterson said...

Hmmm...I lost a follower yesterday. Coincidence?

Blogging is definitely reciprocal. I try to visit everyone who visits me and I periodically go through my list of "followers" and randomly visit readers. I wish I had time to follow everyone, but I have to have SOME kind of life so I have something to blog about!

Vivian said...

Very well said. I am sort of new to this blogging world and you posting this makes me feel better about the feeling I've been having. I can never get tired of your writing :)

InkMom said...

And this is why, besides the fact that I only, apparently, post monthly, I only have 17 readers: I refuse to self-promote. This does not bode well for a future that might, in a best-dream-ever world, include the publishing of some sort of word-including entity. It's not good.

katie the greatie said...

And... hi. Becca here. I have some bones to pick with Google/Blogger. We're in a battle of wills here trying to share a computer with kids who blog. And I'm losing. Which mostly explains my non-commenting habits (I know you're not looking for excuses. But I have one.)

I've become a lurker. Mostly in an effort to get over myself - I'm trying not to care if I get comments on my posts, because hey - who is this for? Me, right? Well, usually.

(But comments and friendships and reciprocity make me very, very glad. As do you.)

(**Also, word-veri is dedsmen. Did you see pirates? Not me. Not yet. Maybe not ever. I'll have to be convinced.)

Camille said...

I just found your blog today. I enjoyed reading your last few posts.

Enjoy Birth said...

I have now followed you. :)

I will tell you that I can relate. There is one blogger who I get frustrated with when I read her blog and leave comments and tweet her articles and talk about how great her posts are on my blog - she has never said thank you or left a comment on my blog. I want to stop reading her - but she does do good posts, which are relevant to my readers (birth stuff) so I keep reading, but I have stopped leaving comments.

I think for some it is about connecting and for others it isn't. Or maybe some just don't want to connect with ME?

Lara said...

I have been SO overwhelmed with the blogs in my reader lately. I don't have that much time anymore, and I really need to go in and do a clean up. It will lift a gigantic load, and I'll probably actually comment some more. :)

I don't have Twitter, but if I did, I would totally follow you.

Ken Craig said...

I have blogged for a few years now, but still feel like I'm the new kid on the block as to how all of this works! I only recently opened to comments under much bullyin....uhm, friendly suggestions from DeNae. But I think making connections is great. And if people don't want to connect with you, then drop 'em like it's hot! And don't feel bad! Don't they know who you are?! You're Melanie Freakin' Jacobson! Rock on with your bad-self.

The Lovely One said...

My huge downfall as a blogger is that I'm a reader, but I rarely comment. I hate saying the same thing that the last 49 people already said! But if I don't comment, how do you know I'm here?

The Rose Family said...

I'm not a blog stalker, in fact I rarely read blogs, I leave that up to my wife who writes a terrific blog. I think she would enjoy being your friend and blogciprocate.
operationrosebud.blogspot.com

The Rose Family said...

I don't blog stalk, but my wife does. I agree with you, and think you would enjoy my wife's blog and she would blogciprocate.
operationrosebud.blogspot.com

Amy Kay said...

I happened upon your blog from an article you wrote for the mormontimes about online dating. Thank you for the article. I am a single mom and am not sure I want to pursue online dating, but living in a small town with an almost non-existent SA program, long distance dating is pretty much all I have.
Anyway, I lurked around your blog a bit, and found myself laughing out loud. You are funny. So thank you for your thoughts. I will visit again and am following your blog now.
Thanks,
Amy Kay

Kimberly said...

You're hilarious, and you've summed up my feelings about blogging pretty exactly. I'm a mom, a writer, and a whole bunch of other things. I don't have time to read the blogs of people who don't reciprocate. There are too many awesome people who DO for me to bother with that noise.

Charlotte said...

I like the connections I make in blogging and I get annoyed by the people who want to be adored instead of friended.

I had a couple bloggers I felt I was "supposed" to love who I just didn't care for that much. Dropping them from my reader was a huge relief! It is quite freeing sometimes to clean out my Google reader. In fact, I think I'm due for another round.