Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Vomit Elbow

Do you want that one hilarious blog post I thought of? Or what about that other one, the shoot-milk-through-your-nose one? Maybe you want the laugh-til-your-sides-hurt one?

Too bad. I can't remember any of them. (Imagine a mime face with a single grease paint tear rolling down it. Because that's how I'm picturing you.)


See, what happened is, I used to be funny but then my kids started puking. Like every day. And then they started doing it at  night. And coughing. Until they puked. And then after I washed a bunch of puke sheets, I wore out my funny bone. I think it's located near my elbow, right? Or in it? So I guess my funny bone got tennis elbow or something. Except I don't play tennis so I guess it just got vomit elbow.


It's fearsome, y'all. Vomit elbow will sneak into your room at two in the morning and cough in your face smelling like toddler puke breath and it will suck your funny out just like El Chupacabra. RUN!

17 comments:

Kristina P. said...

After reading this post, I am going to get pregnant immediately. Can't wait for my own toddler puke breath.

Donna K. Weaver said...

*hugs*

I'm so sorry. Sad how it runs in groups. One of my sons, after throwing up for a week, developed a hernia and had to have emergency surgery. I swear, everything with that kid was an emergency. He's going to be a daddy for the first time in December. Tee hee Payback.

Jenny P. said...

I have had entirely too much puke in in my life for the past eight weeks to enjoy this post even a little bit.

Abby Fowers said...

Not vomit elbow! I hate that. Seriously... puking is the WORST! I think it is the worst way to be sick or have sick kids. It drives me insane. :( I'm feeling for you. I hope everyone is feeling better soon and your vomit elbow goes away.

Melissa Bastow said...

My diagnosis: your vomit elbow should clear right up when your kids reach the magical age of putting their own puke straight from their mouth to the toilet. (Except that I have no idea what age that actually is. I'll let you know if we ever get there. Also, I'm glad it's you and not me. Except now that I said that, it will probably be me starting in about 5 minutes.)

[Stacia] said...

You just made my day! Sorry your vomit elbow has become amusement for heartless mothers like me who aren't currently suffering from it and need somebody to show them that their life isn't all that bad. Love this post!

Brittany said...

vomit elbow. bahahaha. you make me laugh.

Melinda said...

Do you know how scared I am that just by reading this my kids are going to start puking?! Please no...

I hope the puking stops at your house soon (but not that it starts at mine...)!! :)

Maggie said...

Hope the puke breath and vomit elbow go away soon!

DeNae said...

This is so your voice, you could have been sitting right here in my living room, telling me this story. Although it would more likely be on the porch, cuz you've got too much barfing in your immediate past, and I don't want to catch it. My dog barfed twice the other night and I decided it would be easier to move than face cleaning it up. I don't do barf well.

Vivian said...

El chupacabra...hahahahaha...sorry don't mean to ruin your vomit anguish...try vomit and never finding out about it until two days later when the smell is just to much to bear...

Enjoy Birth said...

There was the time when T1 threw up in my ear. We were on a trip and he wasn't feeling well, so I sent Rob to sleep in T2's bed and I slept with T1. Bad mistake. He threw up, in my ear and everywhere else too. At least we were at a hotel and they came and changed the sheets. But still.

Just thought I would share my favorite vomit story with you.

Hugs, puke is never fun. Unless you are Brittany and on a Tilt a Whirl.

TheOneTrueSue said...

Oh yuck, I'm so sorry. Hope he's better soon. And that a sanitizing fairy magically appears and fixes everything up for you.

fivejensenboyz said...

Puke Elbow....I sympathize sister!!! Super Barfy Boy....extra sensitve gag reflex..and tummy reflux....lives here....So I totally get that. I hope everyone gets better soon and mama gets a big nap...so funny can come back!

LisAway said...

Yes, you've clearly lost your funny. Love the comic post about how you're not funny anymore.

And it always seems unfair when I read about things like this, I having only ever changed sheets maybe twice due to puking in my entire 12 years of motherhood (not counting spit-up). It seems unfair, but then I realize that we are only given trials we are able to bear, and clearly you are well equipped to deal with vomit while I, sadly, am not...

(was that encouraging enough? Really, though. Hope the pukind ceases right this very minute and for years to come!)

Karen Peterson said...

Sorry for the pukefest. I hope it gets better soon!

wendy said...

OH NO...is there a vaccine for that??
I gag the whole time I am cleaning up puke. SO HARD!!! as I dry heave.

luckily now, I don't have to do that anymore. I tell hubby, you puke, you clean. (that's why I didn't go into nursing...well....that and the whole going to school thing)