Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Is there a problem, officer?

This one time, I was bored of college so I decided to go live with my *Pawpaw for a semester because the food was a lot better at his house. The food is a lot better at any Louisiana house, to tell you the truth. Not that the BYU Cougareat didn't have its moments, but usually I just wandered through the bookstore and grabbed a bag of chips and a soda and pretended I was walking off the calories by eating them on the way to class.

After that semester was up (which involved me getting a huge room to myself, working part time, spending hours and hours reading books from the library and spending the rest of the time watching my pawpaw cook and then eating it so I don't really know why I went back to school, ever), my dad came to drive me back home to California and then send me back to school.

So we packed up my little Dodge Shadow and hit the highway, and somewhere on a Texas interstate, I woke from a sleep in the back seat to find my dad pulling over to the side of the road while cop lights bathed the car interior with a friendly red glow that said, "Gotcha, sucka."

"Melanie," my dad said. "I'll need you interpet."

He didn't. See, my dad was deaf. Actually captial D, Deaf. Any audiogram would show him as stone deaf. But his speech never gave him away. You'd only catch on if you saw his hearing aids. He had magical lip reading powers. He could function just fine in a conversation with anyone without an intepreter.

In fact, his deafness only seemed to manifest itself when he was about to get in trouble. Too bad my mom was deaf too or he could have pulled that on her more often.

So he did not need me to interpret, most definitely not from the back seat, and mind you, I was the WORST intepreter EVER. I have improved over the years to "pretty crappy."

But he reached up, turned his hearing aids off, and waited for the officer to come to the window. Then he made me sign everything the cop said into the rearview mirror. Then he would answer the cop, sounding confused. Then we would repeat. Then the cop wandered back to his cop car. Then he came back and said, "Tell your dad--" and when I started interpreting he said, "You don't have to sign this until I leave. Just tell your dad to slow down."

The dude didn't write the ticket becuase he didn't feel like waiting for the interpreting to catch up! And he walked off.

And my dad kept his vaguely confused expression in place until the cop was in his car. Then he switched his hearing aids back on, pulled back on to the highway, and smiled.

"I love being deaf," he said.

I think I said a swear.

*Pawpaw is what anyone in Louisiana calls their grandfather, because "grandpa" sounds weird, whatever you guys may think.

Oh, and Emily Lesher won the giveaway! You can read the post below for the details.

17 comments:

Shellie said...

dang it I should have tried that last week. I got pulled over for my tag not being updated. great story!

LisAway said...

No fair! I wanna be deaf! Well, I suppose being blond and an easy crier works almost as well when it comes to getting pulled over. I don't even have to try to make myself cry, it just happens naturally. Part of my natural awesomeness.

You're dad is a bad bad man. :)

Annette Lyon said...

That's a classic. Love it.

Mina said...

That's freaking funny. My husband could apparently use some hearing aids and an interpreter. It may be cheaper in the long run.

Nancy said...

I think Grandpa sounds weird too. I like Granddad better, but I have heard some other ones too. I do like pawpaw. But Allen is grandpa and he doesn't seem to mind...
Great story!!

Nancy said...

Have you ever check out c jane's blog?

Kristina P. said...

I jush flash a little nipple. It always works.

*MARY* said...

This was such an enjoyable read, until I got to the part about me not winning the prize.

Melanie J said...

Kristina, if my dad had done that it would only have made things much, much worse.

myimaginaryblog said...

What would your dad have done without you?

(Great story.)

Kimberly said...

What a character!

I did get to use the I'm pregnant and really, really need to pee line once. It totally worked too.

Heidi Ashworth said...

I'm confused. Is he your dad or your grandfather? Either way, he is rather brilliant. Way to make a disability work for you! I'm going to share this story with my disabled son--I think he'll get a real kick out of it. Come tothink of it, I don't want to give him any ideas . . .

Heather of the EO said...

I love it. What a tricker!

kristina p. is so naughty.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hee hee. Tricky deaf dad.

We all have to use our weaknesses to our advantage at times.

Love you funny blog. How's that stapler romance going?

Alison Wonderland said...

You gotta work with what you have. Lots of ladies make a point of showing off the girls. I think your dad had a much better plan. people don't do things to make things easier for other nearly as often as often as they do for themselves.

Josi said...

LOL--that's awesome. You have two deaf parents? Wow. Very cool story.

Nicole said...

I could always carry on a conversation with your Dad just fine... no interpreters necessary.

Stinker!!