Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Lessons from public restrooms, #3

Lesson #3
Any time you're in a store, but most especially when you're in Target, pay attention to the most annoying teenage girls in the store with you. Memorize their faces, study the details, because you will have a stomachache that causes you to rush for the restroom. This stomachache will cause you to suffer from loud sound effects that abuse the bathroom acoustics, and the quieter you try to be, the louder you will get. And when you finally do walk out from the stall, the only other people in the restroom will be those two girls, silent now, staring at you in fascination, memorizing your face, studying your details. And this will happen more than once. In fact, any time you are in a public place with obnoxious teenage girls this will happen, and yes, you are totally justified in suspecting you may have an allergy to them.

Lesson #2
No matter how tempting the acoustics are in a tiled public restroom, and no matter how convinced you are that you are all alone, this is NOT the time or place to bust out your Mariah Carey impersonation. People will hear you and they will wait for you to come out and then they will applaud. But it won't be the kind of applause that makes you feel good.So don't do it. Just saying.

Lesson #1
The people whose numbers are written on the walls of the stall? Usually don't want to be called no matter how bored you are.

9 comments:

Alison Wonderland said...

I'm not sure ow to comment on this one.

I'm going to go with: Sorry.

Josi said...

Um, yeah, I'm with Alison :-)

Don said...

Yeah, well those teenage girls are going to have their own problems when I call security. What are they doing in the men's room, anyway?

Kristina P. said...

Wow, were you spying on my last week?

Jami said...

Sad, but funny.

Kimberly said...

Okay, that made me wince more than giggle! You poor woman!

Heather of the EO said...

Yeah, that's um...quite humiliating. But your humor? The best.

Debbie said...

As the mother of a teenage girl, who is quite wonderful but a teenage girl nevertheless, I can attest to the fact that this happens when she is in the bathroom. Because she tells me about you being in that stall:)

Karen Hoover said...

I have a bellyache from laughing so hard. It reminds me of a friend I have who plugs her ears and sings "la-la-la" at the top of her lungs when she knows things are going to get noisy. I guess she figures if she can't hear it nobody else can either. You are too funny!