Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A few numbers

I have this cool blog post idea that's bouncing around in my head. For days, I've been meaning to write it but stuff keeps coming up. The huge fundraiser I'm in charge of at James's school is eating into all my time. You know, time I normally use to do stuff like sleep, eat, and oh...breathe.

Then there's my self-imposed writing deadline. I wanted to finish my manuscript before the LDS Storymakers conference next week and my goal is 75,000 words. I'll definitely finish that, which is wonderful, but it turns out my story isn't done yet. I'm guessing I'm going to end closer to 85,000 words. And so I'm trying to decide if I can balance extra writing against all these PTA responsibilities I have.

And then there's this lovely weird tummy thing I have going on today. It is the oddest bug. I'm thinking it's a virus or something but any time I'm upright, I feel like puking, and no matter what, I have these sharp cramps in my upper G.I. tract. I wonder if it's an answer to a prayer.

Freeze. Don't get all excited. I don't have an announcement.

Hang with me here. See, we're starting to think about the next kiddo. And so I've been praying about it, because I'd love another kid but I want to make sure it's the right time. (Like there is such a thing). And every time I pray that prayer, I soon end up having some random sleepless night that reminds me of the misery I had with my last pregnancy when I went days at time without more than two hours of sleep at a time. And I'm not so pleasant when I don't sleep. Or like today, I have this awful nausea that reminds me of the vague sense of carsickness I experienced through that same pregnancy.

And the thing is, I'm willing to deal with the physical discomfort. I realize people have far worse pregnancies, but my last one was tough for me. Even then, I wouldn't think twice about another baby, but now I have two kids already to think about and what good I'm going to be them if I'm an exhausted, ill mess. I had to call my husband home early today because I just had to lay down to fight the puketasticness.

So, here's the deal. I'm going to build a slight cushion into my decision. I already weigh ten pounds less than when I got pregnant with Baby G, but I think I'd like to drop just ten more pounds. The number that drops me to is part of the post I keep saying I want to write, and I will, but the idea that unlocking that number can mean I'm physically more prepared for another baby is pretty exciting.

But here's the other thing. Emotionally, I think I already am prepared. So maybe that weight is just going to stay some number, one to wave at from a distance with a much smaller number of pounds cradled in a soft baby blanket in my arms.

Hm...

I'm not asking for advice. I think me, my husband and Heavenly Father can figure that out.

I'm just writing to say that PTA is stressing me out, I don't feel so good, and I'm a little baby hungry. Just another day at the Jacobson house.

19 comments:

Luisa Perkins said...

I remember very well the 'another baby dilemma' days. Of course you'll get there; you're approaching it in all the right ways.

Debbie said...

I've written my post on having that not finished feeling so you know I can empathize. And I'm sorry you are feeling stressed. I know that feeling too:)

CaJoh said...

I have so many drafts now that I have trouble trying to finish them and have something to post.

Hoping your feeling better soon,

Kristina P. said...

I'm sure that the world would be a better place with another Jacobson running around. I will send you a baby Snuggie as a baby gift.

See? Decision made.

Lara said...

Well, good luck with everything! PTA, book writing and baby deciding.

Kimberly said...

It's kind of exciting just thinking about it, isn't it?

All this math talk kinda ruins it though. Math - the epitomy of four letter words...

kelberology 101 said...

I don't do PTA. It is one of the things I had to let go to stay sane. Some have been critical of me, but I have learned to "let go" and feel no guilt and it feels so good. As for another child, I agree with you, it's nobodiy else's business but you, Kenny, and the Lord! Feel better and do the best you can and that is all Pres. Hinckly asks of us. Love you!

LexiconLuvr said...

I hear you about the sickness/pregnancy thing. Whenever I get sick, I panic. We've been trying to get preggo for almost 3 years and now I'm torn between getting that wish fulfilled and facing the enormity of that fulfillment.
I hope that whatever you decide, you feel well. Take care of you. =]

DeNae said...

I personally myself believe the PTA is an evil empire, like WalMart and the 9th Circuit court.

Sorry you're feeling crummy. And I'm in awe of your 75,000 words! You seriously rock.

Erin said...

It is a hard decision, isn't it? What if God tells you it's time, but you're not emotionally quite ready yet, but you want to listen?

Oh, wait. That's my problem, not yours.

That Girl in Brazil said...

Hmmm. I just got a 'negative' today.

And I was disappointed.

And surprised at the disappointment.

Hmmmm.

Mina said...

My mother-in-law used to tell me that she always found you "just know" when the time is right for the next baby. And in some ways, that seems like a very silly way to decide important things. But I found it to be true. Sounds like you know you're about ready. Good luck!

myimaginaryblog said...

Who is Kristina to be encouraging you to have another baby? (And why didn't she send *my* baby a snuggie?)

I, on the other hand, am well-qualified to be telling you that having another baby is no trouble at all. (That part, as you know, is a big lie.) And it's totally, totally worth it. (That part's the truth.)

Good luck finding your way.

Alison Wonderland said...

Oh fine, throw storymakers in there to remind me that I'm going to miss you. I'm not going. Sniff.

April said...

All I have to do is get the flu for a couple of days to remember how crappy it was to be pregnant twice! I was not a good pregnant woman. Now off to bed...I need my sleep!!! hehehehe!!!

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I just hope you get better soon, because big decisions and big projects are no fun when you don't feel well. They just aren't.

LisAway said...

Pardon me, but are you sure your name is Melanie? We got home from Greg's parent's house the night before last and I was exceedingly ill with a headache and I'm-going-to-die nausea. And we've got a baby coming, too (don't know when, but we know one's coming). And I realized that I DO NOT want to do those 4 months of nausea, sometimes 5.

Can't that fundraiser just be over? Come ON! I hope you get through it all and stay sane. Also, sorry about not being done with your manuscript. Why must it have such a mind of its own? :)

Heather Justesen said...

I thought I was going to get through editing my MS and get an actual ending written before the Storymakers conference too, but it isn't going to happen. *sigh* I guess I'll just have to be happy with finishing up my other, more pressing editing jobs.

Hope you're fit and fine for the conference--if you're doing bootcamp it'll run you ragged!

wonder woman said...

I have been ready for baby #3 for over a year now. My youngest is almost 3. I've just now convinced husband that now's the time. My next period is supposed to start next week, and it will be the first one that I might miss.

I'm crossing fingers and legs. Maybe I shouldn't be crossing my legs......

Good luck, girlie.