Hugging Trees, Y'all

As you know, because I'm sure you circled it with a big old red heart that has a tree growing out of it, Earth Day is on Wednesday. Since we do some amazing things in our house to help protect our environment, I wanted to share them today rather than wait so that these awesome ideas don't get lost in the shuffle of other tips people will throw out on actual Earth Day.

Here are some of my top tips for going green.

1. I don't do laundry. It saves water and prevents detergent from seeping into the ocean and killing Nemo.

2. I don't dry my hair with a blow dryer because that also saves electricity and has nothing to do with the fact that one time when I was blowdrying my hair, my roundbrush got tangled so badly it had to be cut out. It's purely an environmental move.

3. I know that everyone touts the virtues of vinegar as a great "green" cleaning solution, but I truly believe that the magic of mother spit has been woefully overlooked. Have you ever seen a mom lick her finger and then rub at something toxic and malignant on her child's face and it melts away like nothing? I'm telling you, vinegar can't touch it.

4. I drive everywhere I go. I figure if I rode my bike too much, I would wear it out and it would have to be thrown away which means taking up space in a landfill.

5. We never take our garbage out. See above about landfills.

6. I only change my baby's diaper once a day. This is also landfill related. If it's just pee, we can go two days or more.

7. We don't read the newspaper. Not even online because it would take electricity to power their servers and that's bad for the environment. Somehow.

8. I've told my child to quit doing his spelling homework. All that paper kills trees.

9. This one comes courtesy of the four sets of neighbors who let their dogs freely poop on the lawn and don't bag it. Organic fertilizer, you guys.

10. We let our lights burn day and night. This is because we use eco-friendly CFC bulbs and they take a LOOONNNNGGGG time to burn out. The thing is, if no one's buying new ones because the old ones are burning out, then the industry might not be able to support itself. So we try to make sure there's always someone they can sell to by burning ours out as fast as possible.

Hope it helps. Happy Earth Day, everyone!

*We're actually kind of green, so no yelling.