Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Oh no, you didn't!

NEVER cross a writer.




Check this out.



You've been warned. You want to test me on this? You shouldn't.



But let's say you do. Let's say, for example, that in our pathological desire to become more like Kristina P., Crash Test Dummy and I each dive for the last Snuggie on the sale table and SHE gets it.



Guess what happens to Crash in my next novel. Go ahead, guess. Did you guess someone looking an awful lot like Crash named DEBBIE gets busted as the mastermind behind an international smuggling ring? And you know what she smuggles? Exotic pets. Like this guy.



Except she tries to smuggle spiny hedgehogs in her pant legs (in my book, I strip her of any kind of common sense) and it ends badly.

So go on....confess. Have you crossed me? Will you cross me? Tell me how, and I'll tell you what will happen to someone who looks exactly like you in a future book.

22 comments:

Luisa Perkins said...

I now so TOTALLY want to cross you, even though I like you immensely. Instant fame!

But how to do it? I must ponder.

Kazzy said...

Whatever I did, I am sorry for it. I would like to be the heroine please. :)

Kristina P. said...

Can I be the nice peacemaker hero, and rescue the day by giving you BOTH a Snuggie?

DeNae said...

...and I choose to be the sexy, brilliant astro-physicist who first recognizes that the hedgehogs are really alien spies from a hostile parallel universe bent on conquering OUR world, mostly by scraping up our ankles and shins with their little prickly spines. It's not a very smart hostile parallel universe.

Becca said...

That is precious. Are you constantly telling people who read your work "This is not about you. This is not about you." Sometimes I'd like to just go ahead and give the really despicable bad-guys all my brothers' names and see what happens.

(Can a person sue me if I don't actually have any money?)

Debbie said...

I saw that crazy article. Please. I would think a writer could name a character any first name he/she wanted.
But, if you put a villain in, can it please NOT be named Debbie?

Erin said...

On a high profile show like CSI, you would think that the writer would be a leeeetle more inconspicuous in naming the characters their exact names. Change the first letter or something.

Like, my name is Erin. You could have your villainess be named Karen, but have all of the exact characteristics I have, and then add in a bit of crazy. There would be nothing I could do.

Please be nice to me.

Melinda said...

Okay, thats hysterical! I won't cross you I promise, I've got enough on my plate! :)

(Oh, and I have been keeping up with you--ROCK AND ROLL NIGHT = WOW!!!--I just have been missing in action a little and haven't commented, sorry about that!)

Kimberly said...

I got picked on a lot at school. This is why I've become a writer. Revenge is sweet, yes?

Jami said...

You've just inspired me to write a Jr. High novel.

As far as crossing you, no way Jose. Do I look dumb? No, leave that to Crash!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I'm just saying this once... I WON'T cross you, unless my character is a slutty every mans fantasy kinda girl... I won't do it!

Can you work that she's humble into there also?

Kenny, the husband said...

OK, confession time, here it goes....

Baby G didn't really eat the last Tim Tam, IT...WAS...ME!!! I ate it and it was delicious and I blamed the baby.

There, I'm ready for my punishment...

:)

Melanie J said...

WHAT?! You ate the last Tim Tam, Kenny?

Long time readers, you know I have a serious problem on my hands now. This deserves SERIOUS punishment.

Let's see...

In my next book, my character will have a flashback to high school, specifically her senior prom. There, Kenny the head cheerleader is strutting up to the stage to accept his Prom King Crown when he trips and rips his tuxedo pants right down the back where everyone can see his hole-ridden Jockey shorts.

Ha.

Poor Kenny.

Don't eat the last Tim Tam again.

Kenny, the husband said...

Ouch, baby, that hurt!

Just for historical accuracy, though, you'll want to make sure the tuxedo is white with baby blue bow tie and cummerbund.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OMGOSH! I can't believe you would do this to me. After all the mountains we've climbed together. After all the Hannah Montana hoe downs I've done for you. Do you realize it took me all Sunday afternoon to learn how to boom boom clap boom de clap de clap in your honor.

I suppose you're going to tell about the porn and drug rings and the murder plot too. Might as well after you've let the spiny little hedgehogs out of the bag.

And now DeNae gets to be the sexy brilliant one? And Shelle gets to be the slutty one!

I'm glad Kenny ate your last Tim Tam! What are you going to do about it now that you have a little power? huh? huh? huh?

T said...

I can't decide if I want to cross you or if I want to be VERY very careful to only say nice things about you... I guess it would depend on the character I ended up as... but since Shelle's taken the slutty hot girl, and Crash (ermmm... I mean Debbie) has taken the brainless smuggleress, KP's a peacemaker hero... I think that just leaves the family pet for me... thanks anyway - but maybe I'll just stick to being nice!

Melanie J said...

Oh, Crash.

Tsk, tsk.

You couldn't just leave it alone, could you? Of course not.

Well, for siding with my husband against me in the matter of Tim Tam theft, I guess I have to reveal further of your characeter defects.

You guys, in addition to smuggling spiny hedgehogs in her pant legs, Crash also smuggles. . .*takes deep breath*. . .

Imitation Spam out of Hawaii.

Yeah, it's made out of REAL ham.

Disgusting, right?

You should be ashamed, you felon Spammer.

Becky said...

Yikes! And here I though you were such a nice, sweet girl.

Wait!! I still do! You ARE a nice sweet girl and I certainly didn't mean to imply otherwise.

Please forgive me.

Please.

Youngblood4ever said...

I am sad that Crash lost, but way to be buff and fabulous! Oh, were we just pretending?

charrette said...

Hahaha! Just one of a zillion reason I love you!

I don't think I could possibly cross you, but now it is SO VERY TEMPTING....

And this is why I'm publishing my first book under a pseudonym...if it ever gets that far...

Eowyn said...

See, I so want to cross you now.

Can you send me your next last Tim Tam so I can eat it?

I so totally want to be an evil villain because no-one would believe it was me anyway.

Tell me how Melanie?!?!

Heidi Ashworth said...

I named a character in my wip after Crash b/c she's so like Crash's passive-agressive mother in law. I cleared it through Crash first. In fact, I am giving lots of my characters names of my friends in blogdania. Sadly, none of the new characters (it's a sequel) are very sympathetic so everyone is getting named after doofs and goofs. What can I say? I like doofs and goofs. Especially of the British variety.