Friday, January 8, 2010

Hellllllllo, Mr. Blackwell.

I have fashion issues. I'm not referring to the ones created by my trendy bowling ball silhouette. Nay, my baby bump puts me in the company of the many Hollywood starlets who, when given a choice between  purse-sized rat dog and a human baby as an accessory, chose to have a baby. I bet you didn't think there was any circumstance that would actually make Paris Hilton look like she had a grain of sense, but there you go. She, at least, picked the dog.

So anyway, it's not the trendy protuberance of my tummy that's an issue. Especially not since I discovered last week that H&M carries maternity clothes. My issue is that regardless of whether I am heavy with child or merely extra servings of ice cream, I am overly matchy. Mixing and matching escapes me.

I'm definitely one of those shoes-match-the-handbag-match-the-belt kind of girls, even though it CLEARLY indicates in the opening credits of "What Not to Wear" that this rule is outdated. I can't help it. I was brought up to match and I can't de-condition myself. I live in fear that one day I'll be browsing through a photo album and realize that I spent my thirties in a subconscious attempt to emulate Hilary Clinton's style.

I saw an article online the other day about how one of the spring trends this year is to mix prints. It made my eyeball twitch and I felt vaguely ill. Will I have to sit out this trend like I did that two years during the regrettable rebirth of culottes that were repackaged and sold to unsuspecting women as "gauchos"? I never owned a pair of gauchos and I feel good about that, but I think this is one of those times where I'm on the wrong side philosophically from the trend.

I think I'm going to have to accept that my OCD matching tendencies are going to bench me from this season's MVP fashion list. Save my spot in Frumps Anonymous, please.

24 comments:

MommyJ said...

You know what I can't get on board with? Skinny jeans. I just can't see how they are ever possibly designed for someone with a rather rotund rumpus... especially when said rumpus is sitting upon some very short legs. So I will continue to wear bootcut, all the while knowing that if I were truly hip, I would have skinny jeans tucked into big fuzzy boots. Seriously though... I would have to have Stacy and Clinton buy me the clothes themselves and force me to give the look a try.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Wait, you use accessories? Wow.

And even before MommyJ's comment, I was going to say that any trend that has the word "skinny" in it, is CLEARLY not for me. (Nor in my opinion is it for 95% of the people who latch on to it.)

Stephanie Faris said...

It's funny...they'll say something is in style, and it may be in style on the runways and in NY and Paris, but it never quite reaches middle America. In Nashville, we're still struggling with old fat ladies pairing short sweaters with leggings. it's funny, though...those are the women who will shake their heads over people mixing prints.

Jami said...

When I was in fifth grade, I longed for gauchos. But no. We could not afford them. :,| So thirty years later I gleefully watched as my little monkeys wore them. Oddly, I didn't buy any for myself.

I'm a confirmed dowd. Nothing OCD about it. I just don't care. Except about the plaid and floral thing. Yikes.

By the by, I think you look maah-velous, dahling!

Tracy said...

I think you should wear what makes you happy (unless it's going to require others to bleach their eyeballs). Trends are there so we can see the super skinny people on the runway and feel better about ourselves as we munch on chocolate and watch our kids spill grape juice on the carpet.

I'm still waiting for the pajama trend to hit. I just think the world be a better place if all of the important meetings took place in jammies.

Becca said...

Hello, My name is Becca (HI, BECCA) and I have a need to look like a woman who will never be in a fashion magazine.

My clothes are boring. Because frankly, my face isn't interesting enough to compete with bold clothes. Also, I am cheap, so I won't jump on a trend unless I see that it will last several seasons. (Thank goodness Gauchos didn't hit till I was in my 30s, and I could just shake my head and say NO.)

And Skinny Jeans? Meant only for pre-pubescent girls, I think.

Carolyn V. said...

Melanie, you could never be out of fashion.

I agree with the skinny pants. What's up with that?

Debbie said...

Mix prints? It's chaos, I tell you. I will not give in.

Kimberly said...

I own a worrying number of socks because I'm always trying to match them to my shirt. I'm weird like that.

Mixing prints is of the Devil. Of the Devil I tell you!!

Kristina P. said...

I used to be a fashion disaster, and Stacy and Clinton saved my life.

And now I can't stop buying clothes!!

wonder woman said...

I just have to say......jump on the gaucho bandwagon!!! I did it 4 years ago and have never looked back. The work for casual exercise type wear, or can be dressy with the right top and shoes. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my gauchos and will weep bitter tears the day they are officially non-fashionable. (Which is probably a lot closer than I like to think.)

Susan said...

I have to match the belt with the shoes, too. Becky ingrained that in me during our college years and I can't ever let it go. I even hounded a man at church for three years because his belt was black while his shoes were brown. I felt like a proud momma the day he walked up and showed me his new black shoes that now matched his belt. Matching rockS!

Emily said...

I'm still sitting out the "skinny jeans" trend. Let's face it, saran wrapping your legs DOES NOT MAKE THEM LOOK THINNER. AND . . . if you do have dang skinny legs, they make them look like twigs.

NOT CUTE.

I'm going to sit out the "pattern on pattern" trend too.

GAG.

Valerie said...

I can't get over skinny jeans on skinny boys. Ew. But which is worse: pants too big, exposing boxer-clad rumps; or pants too small, exposing, um, everything? Why can't we just meet in the middle?

Luisa Perkins said...

My mom made me a gaucho jumpsuit out of black and gold calico. I wore it with a gold turtleneck underneath, and knee socks and Buster Browns. Thank you, 1977.

L.T. Elliot said...

I'm a frequent attender at Frumps Anonymous. At least your visits are once every two decades.

Andrew & Sarah Clawson said...

I just had to say something.. I LOL'ed at this post and every comment that I read! Frumpy Anoymous here I come!

Amber Lynae said...

How are you going to stay off of reality television when you are too matchy-matchy?

You could always go the daring route and wear a belt that doesn't match but a shirt long enough to cover all evidence.

We will just call it classic instead of trendy. And classic is always in style.

DeNae said...

First, I simply MUST jump in and defend skinny jeans. I wore my Calvin Klein skinny jeans to lunch today (along with my 4 inch heels) and may I say with all due modesty, I looked FREAKING AMAZING. I've even blogged about the fact that my legs are practically perfect in every way, and those jeans make them look like they're a mile long. Sorry girls. We can't all be goddesses.

As for mixing and matching, I can't do the multiple-pattern deal C & S recommend, particularly since even Stacey occasionally dresses like a circus threw up on her.

Better safe than sorry, Mel. We'll sit on the sidelines together.

Actually, I'm going to stand. I look so much hotter that way...

That Girl said...

My clothes all have matching spit-up, jelly,and grease stains. Regardless of print.

Terresa said...

I just visited H&M the other day and yes, I was gaga over some of their maternity duds. You have good company w/those clothes. Matching or not, you will rock the look and the pregger belly, no doubt!

Karen said...

One of the girls I visit teach likes to match prints. Like, if two completely unlike things just have the same color, she'll wear it. Stripes with floral. Floral with floral. She doesn't care. And it's part of what makes her unique.

Annette Lyon said...

You're still miles ahead of me. I can't even *match* correctly.

Melinda said...

Hey I love my skinny jeans!! With the legs tucked in my big ugly boots! I LOVE IT! And I love guachos! But I don't even hardly wear patterns, so there ya go, what do I know?