Monday, January 18, 2010

The old man is snoring . . .

It's going to rain in Southern California this week. You know what that means...


People are going to lose their minds.


In fact, it's going to rain a lot. 


People are going to REALLY lose their minds.


I grew up in Louisiana where rain is about as interesting as navel lint. Or maybe something else you experience daily that isn't gross. The first time it rained in SoCal after we moved here, I thought I was living a Twilight Zone episode.


It was bizarre. The panic, the mayhem, the overwrought (and over glossed) on-scene news reporters...you'd think it was blood running in the gutters instead of polluted rain water.


Remember the lead up to Y2K when people bought survival supplies and cans of Sterno and industrial strength toilet paper? That's what prepping for a week of rain down here should look like EVERY TIME because it is that level of chaos.


It's like living in a horror movie, watching it all unfold slowly, seemingly innocuously. A rain drop strikes an unsuspecting citizen, and by strikes, I mean lands on gently. There is a moment of bemusement as said citizen reaches up to touch his face in wonder, and then as he rubs the mysterious moisture between his fingers, the wonder slowly slides toward horror as the terrible, terrible possibilities unfold. 


His hair is gelled. GELLED. DO YOU KNOW WHAT RAIN DOES TO GEL? Do you? He races for his car, suddenly sure that the only place to ride out this storm and protect his hair is on the nearest congested freeway with hundreds of thousands of other panic stricken drivers who have lost all sense of direction and depth perception.


That's one of my pet theories, actually. That the rain screws with people's depth perception and that's why they suddenly forget to do things like apply their brakes. Or why they randomly steer into concrete medians or drive in the middle of the road.


But we're going to get (brace for it): EIGHT INCHES. In a week. (I know, right? They think that's a lot here. And it is a lot for here. Just not a lot for anywhere else.)


The End is near!


Or, more appropriately, The sky is falling! (Another pet theory of mine. I think they think that's what's happening.)


Rain, rain, go away.

26 comments:

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

We witnessed a familiar phenomenon when we moved from Utah to Charlotte. If the news mentioned it might snow, all the store shelves were CLEARED of the staples and there were literally RUNS on the hardware stores for shovels and scrapers, etc. We literally laughed (and then pushed people out of the way to get a shovel.)

wonder woman said...

It's raining in Utah today, too. I absolutely adore rain, so I am thrilled. I am also thrilled that it's rain and not SNOW! Also, we've had the most disgusting air in the nation for like 2 weeks and it's finally cleared out.

It's funny how people around the country react to different weather conditions. A friend in Oklahoma had her daughter's school cancelled because of the cold. That's right -- cold. Not snow or ice. I'm sure people in Minnesota got a good chuckle out of that!

Kristina P. said...

Wonder Woman must be in the lucky part of Utah, because there's a crap load of snow out my window.

And it's so true about rain in LA. I don't get it.

InkMom said...

Two things: first, I must defend the Carolinas and our crazy snow reactions. The snow IS different here, and we do not have the equipment to clear the roads quickly like they do in places where snow is commonplace through the winter months. The storm we had right before Christmas dumped 12+ inches around here. We played in that snow, and let me tell you, it was heavy and wet and bone-chilling and made the roads scary-icy. We still have snow on the ground after all that, and it was a solid week before many of the secondary roads were passable. So there.

Second. We visited my sister-in-law one winter when she was in school in SoCal. The news came on one night and the big headline was about the huge winter storm coming our way. Since we were going to DisneyLand the next day, I tuned in, because I definitely did not want my day at the happiest place on earth to be snowed out. Hah. Turns out they were talking about rain. ANd we had the BEST DAY EVER at Disney because we were the only ones there. Hilarious. But it's all about what you're used to, isn't it?

Amber Lynae said...

After reading Inkmom's comment I'm kinda hoping it rains when I go to DisneyLand so I don't have to wait in the long lines.

Snow is a big deal in Hamptons Roads are of Virginia, you can see a flake and everything closes. (mainly because they don't have the correct methods of snow removal). But rain is as you put it as boring as something like naval lint without the disgusting factor.

Valerie said...

I laugh also have to laugh when merely the threat of snow closes down schools. I grew up in Idaho. There were days we were snowed in and my dad had to get the tractor out to plow our driveway just so we could go to school. And then we walked five miles, both ways, uphill...

Kimberly said...

How you manage to be so dang entertaining while writing about the weather...goodness...

I grew up in Vancouver and now live somewhere where it rains about three or four times a year. I so feel you on this one. What's hilarious up here is that we're in the country. Farmers and lumberjacks and whatnot. Seeing those types of people scurrying around trying not to get wet is kind of hilarious actually.

Don said...

Rain releases dormant mold spores, which fly through the air and lodge in people's brains, causing them to act in all kinds of strange ways.

True story.

Carolyn V. said...

Wow, really? Well, I love the rain. I hope there are no crazy drivers forgetting to apply the brakes. That happens here when it snows for the first time. =)

CaJoh said...

My wife was watching the Golden Globes Red Carpet event and it appears that everybody was freaking out because it was raining.

Good luck on your disaster preparations LOL…

Sarah M Eden said...

Arizonans react in much the same way. Panic. Fear. Confusion. They also have a tendency to drive their cars into flooded washes and have to be rescued by helicopter while the evening news broadcasts the results of their stupidity to the entire population. Wow. Now I'm feeling homesick for the land of my childhood...

stewbert said...

This post made me giggle. When it snows in the Portland, Oregon, area, similar panic ensues. Granted, it turns to ice on the roads and they can't clear the snow either.

It's raining in Utah County today. I love it.

Karen said...

STORM WATCH 2010!!!

I love when the news talks about the rain. It's my favorite.

Aubrey said...

Gelled hair-- lol. I'm in the unlucky part of Utah as well. Nasty commute this morning. Hope you survive your eight inches of rain with your sanity intact!

Jami said...

Well in their defense, all the earthslides that occur because the region so rarely gets that kind of rain can be a bit dangerous. Especially if you live on a cliff. Or on the edge of a beach that has been slowly returning to the sea. The flooding can be a bit freaky too.

I like the gel theory though. That is destined to become an in depth news report at a station near you.

Kazzy said...

I remember January being the rainy month in SoCal. Winter. And I also remember the panic and mayhem. We lived in Sherman Oaks one year in the early 90s when there was rain running down the gutters and people where making a rush at the grocery store. Funny!

Melinda said...

When I was a kid we lived in Long Beach, I totally remember having a hay day when it rained! Like we rode boogie boards in the gutters! hahaha I agree, its the same here in Washington with the snow, people go crazy! :)

DeNae said...

Your rain has actually made the hike over the Sierras and is now coming down here in Vegas.

And if you think the SoCals are loonies, imagine what rain does to desert rats who are already so insane an Elvis impersonator in line behind them in Wal Mart barely merits a "Whaddyaknow?"

I'll be staying inside today, baking cookies and watching Law & Order reruns, thankyouverymuch.

Migillicutty said...

Dude, it's raining here too!!!!

MommyJ said...

The only place that gets more rain than where I love is washington state. I love it though... love the way it makes everything smell. And everything is always SO very green.

That Girl said...

It actually rained today in Arizona and I was reviewing the basics of CPR to help all the people who completely freaked out.

Kelly O. said...

I love the rain. Several days in a row would be a dream come true. unfortunatey rain for you means snow for moi. Snow not a comforting as rain!

makingthemomentscount said...

Rain is blessed. Especially, as wonder woman said, to clear out disgusting air.

Of course..if it means crazy driving I am not sure which is better. Dying from stupidity or dying because of air quality.

Eowyn said...

1/2 inch of snow in Seattle and the world closes down. At least when it snowed and closed down Portland for a week it was something like 6 inches.

I'm happy to live in a state that knows how to deal with snow.

I am also happy to live in a place that has clean air now because of the rain.

L.T. Elliot said...

Ha ha ha ha ha! Ah, I needed that. =D

charrette said...

I SO understand this! It totally cracks me up the way Southern Californians CAN NOT DRIVE in the rain. (Wouldn't you just LOVE to see them deal with SNOW, just once?)

And it also cracks me up the way they blame EVERYTHING on the weather. --Yes, their nearly perfect 72-degree weather: Someone sneezes. "It's the weather." Someone has a headache. "It's the weather." Someone's moody. "It's the weather." IKEA was sold-out of plastic plates. "It's the weather." (Okay, maybe not that last one.) But I SWEAR...