Sunday, August 29, 2010

Imaginary friends


My husband is a very smart man. And kind. Like when he spent a half hour wrangling this little guy out of the house this morning:
Do you see him sitting there, up at the top of the dated chandelier? Don't worry, no finches were smacked by any brooms during the liberation of this bird. It took the old laundry-basket-over-the-birdie trick, the trail of bread crumbs trick, and several open doors, but ultimately the little finch found his way outside.


Anyway, Kenny's a nice guy. But every now and then  . . . wait, no, make that for the first time ever, he was possessed by mischief, which is why when he's not shooing out finches, he sometimes has to shoo out imaginary homeless guys named Ulysses.


It all happened here:
This is my backyard. And I didn't bother cleaning it up before photographing it because I'm keeping it real. Anyway, our yard is small but cute and best of all, it backs up against a green belt so we have no neighbors right behind us. This is the view from the kitchen window:
This used to be a little slice of nirvana until Kenny lost his mind two weeks ago. The patch of grass right outside the window above was the scene of the crime.


Kenny, James and I were outside about 11:00 at night waiting for the Pleiades meteor shower. It's nice and dark at our end of the cul-de-sac with no light pollution to interfere with our stargazing. We all lay together snuggled under a blanket watching for shooting stars when a rustling began in the bushes on the other side of the back fence. 


It was a cat, okay? I know it was a cat. KNOW it. NEED to believe it with every fiber in my being. But Kenny decided it was a homeless man named Ulysses living in our bushes. He had James convinced in five minutes flat, but  me? It took, like, seven. Even though I knew it was a cat there was that part of me that thought, "Maybe it IS a homeless man named Ulysses," anyway.


And so James and I ditched Kenny and ran inside.


Hahaha, Kenny. You're SO funny. But guess what? The joke's on him because guess who has to get up to check for Ulysses every time I hear something creaking in the house at 3 a.m.?

16 comments:

Evie said...

Ha! Husbands are terrible. Yours especially. :)

LisAway said...

Um, That was me above.

MommyJ said...

Um, my husband would never, ever be able to go out of town again.

Kazzy said...

Well, I hope he learned his lesson!

I want a small and neat back yard. I can hardly take care of mine and it drives me nuts.

Susan said...

I wouldn't be able to go out in that yard alone, even in the middle of the day now, if I were you!

Kristina P. said...

I lived in Riverside during the whole Richard Ramirez/Night Strangler era, pretty close to a freeway. I had friends who told me he was going to kill me, so that was awesome.

But I'm sure you'll be totally fine.

Carolyn V. said...

I'm glad it was a cat and not a homeless man! Scary!

Kenny, the Husband said...

Ah, see my wife is being very kind to my reputation by leaving out the best part:

Our 10-year-old: I want to go inside now.

Me: That's fine. But I'm not tucking you in. I want to watch the rest of the meteor shower.

Our 10-year-old: Fine.

Me: Oh, you know...you can just ask Ulysses to tuck you in. I think he went into the house about 2 minutes ago since someone, as in a "ten-year-old someone", failed to close the screen door behind him. If you don't see him in your room, check your closet or under the bed. That's where he likes to hang out.

Lara said...

I believe everything my husband ever tells me, because he never lies. But sometimes he uses that little virtue to his advantage and scares me to death!

It's really not funny. As you well know...

Braden said...

Kenny rocks! ANd what a great name for a homeless guy!

That Girl said...

My heart is beating really fast.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

hee hee

Lub your new pad.

Heidi said...

I loved the photos of your new decor on FB. Thought I would mention that before I mention that I saw no sign of roses in any of those photos. Now I know where they are. Hiding Ulysses in the backyard.

charrette said...

This made my day. Especially now that I know Kenny...

And Kenny's comment...truly evil. In that hilarious sort of way.

Charlotte said...

Once upon a time I was going upstairs to bed and I saw these two eyes staring at me through our large front door window. It WAS a homeless guy who we made the mistake of helping once who kept coming back. We learned to never help someone when they come to your house to ask because THEN THEY KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.

That being said, I'm sure Ulysses is very nice and will only murder you all in your sleep if it is absolutely necessary.

Amber Lynae said...

Melanie, I love Kenny's comment. I think that would also put him on taking care of freaked out 10-year olds in the middle of the night duty.