Tuesday, January 4, 2011

S***ting Bricks.

I present to you, completely unaltered, the email I sent to my son's sixth grade teacher this morning concerning their social studies assignment to make an adobe-style brick at home. Being a mom is so glamorous.



Dear Sara, 
 I have a question about poop. (You read that right.) 
 James made his bricks as soon as he got back from his dad's on Thursday. He made three different bricks so he could choose the best one. One was too crumbly, one was way too mushy, and the third one, made of soil from the side of the house and oatmeal, looked like the best bet. 
 When it looked like rain on Sunday, he moved it inside to the garage to finish drying, and later that day as we walked back into the garage, we discovered it had dried enough to smell sort of like . . . poop. 
 Now this is upsetting for a few reasons, mainly because I got a bunch of it on my hands when it was still wet and didn't smell like poop. GROSS! Secondly, we don't have pets. But Kenny says it smells like cats might have been welcoming themselves to our side yard at some point in the past. ALSO GROSS. Did I mention I touched it with my bare hands? SO GROSS. 
 Then, of course, there's the whole issue that I can't send him to school with a poop brick and by last night, when the odor chased Kenny out of his workshop, it became obvious that that's what we were dealing with. 
 So here's the deal. Bless his heart, James now has three bricks, none of which are fantastic, and truly through no fault of his own, not enough to time to try a fourth. Now granted, a lot of original adobe was made with manure but James definitely wasn't intending to be quite so authentic. Does he bring in one of the inferior bricks? The damp one will never dry in time, even baked, and the other one is so crumbly I'd be shocked if it made it to school as anything more than dry clumps of dirt. Or does he bring in the stinky brick but in a plastic bag or something? 
 This is officially the weirdest letter I have ever written as a parent. 
 Thanks!
 ~Melanie


Note: Her response was, "Sorry about your fecal fiasco."

25 comments:

MommyJ said...

This is the best thing I have read all week.

Melinda said...

Seriously hilarious. But what did she say about the brick? Did he bring it in? Did he get to pass without it? I need to know the ending!! (Never write a book with a cliffhanger, I will go mad. And I thank you ahead of time.) :)

L.T. Elliot said...

*snicker* Chased Kenny out of the workshop. That letter rocks. =D

DeNae said...

What's the point of living in the 21st century if you have to learn how to make adobe? What's next? Thatch?

Kimberly said...

Wow. Just...wow.

I love how honest you were about it all, and I confess to giggling at poor James' expense. What a mess! Literally!

NIKOL said...

This made my day. Hilarious!

Kristina P. said...

I don't even understand why this is happening! How funny. I would buy one from Home depot.

Karen Peterson said...

Now I want to have kids, just so I can write letters like that.

Kris said...

I have so many questions....
What grade level is the adobe brick project in? I want to prepare myself and make mental notes now to create and store the bricks in an area that is not accessible to animals.

Does it resemble a Baby Ruth? And how many times have you sanitized your poop fingers?

Kazzy said...

So funny! I love the post title too. Heehee

Heidi said...

Sure, she's sorry, but does that really solve your dilemma? I think not.

Susan said...

Eww. I love it. I'm trying to picture the smell, but I'm just not sure how it could smell that awful. Did something poop on it?

Annette Lyon said...

I'm surprised you didn't add, "And what possessed you to give this stupid assignment anyway?"

LisAway said...

That was a close call. I almost unfollowed you when I read the title of this post but then you alarmed me with your awesomeness throughout the letter and I've decided to stay.

That is all just so much fun for all involved, but especially for those of us reading about it.

(and I bet James' teacher is wishing every parent was like you -- you know, providing her with such excellent and entertaining reading.)

Alison Wonderland said...

You're my hero in so many ways.

Melinda said...

So how come I can't find you on Facebook or on Goodreads?! I mean there's a group on Facebook called "Everybody wants to do Melanie Jacobson" but no YOU! :)

Melinda said...

Oh haha, just found you! Please be my friend.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

I bet you made the teacher's day. You should totally publish the letter in the local paper. :)

Melanie's Sister said...

ROFL! What did James say?

becca said...

It almost makes me want to be a teacher. Love.

wendy said...

As it turned out...he was being pretty authentic. Bricks of poop.
The wise man built his house upon the.......
you get the idea.

The Lovely One said...

LMAO! I love the teacher's response! So, which one did he bring to school?

Teachinfourth said...

Now THAT'S the response I'd have given to a parent had they written a similar letter to me...of course, I've never had my 5th graders make an adobe brick before. They have used Adobe Photoshop, but I am pretty sure that it isn't anywhere near the same thing.

Dedee said...

That is the funniest thing I have read in ages! Soooo awesome! And I'm sorry you got it on your hands.

Amber Lynae said...

That is funny. not that you touched it with your bare hands, or that it stunk the workshop.... but in general it is funny. Thanks for sharing.