Sunday, February 20, 2011

I like girls.

I do. I like hanging out with other girls.

If you meet a girl who does NOT like hanging out with other girls, be careful. She is possibly crazy. Here's exhibit A: if you ever watch a reality show where you hear a girl (usually a pretty one) say, "All my friends are guys. Girls hate me," then you just met the crazy contestant. I guarantee it. Women who have problems getting along with other women have those problems for a very specific reason: they are defined by male attention and are too emotionally damaged to find validation in healthy friendships with other women.

I'd go on my long psychobabble breakdown of my theory here, but let's just stick with: I'm right.

Having said that, I love my husband. Given a choice between hanging out with him or my five closest female friends, there's no question I'd choose him. It's not even a contest.

But . . . I draw a lot of strength from being around cool chicks. I have the friend where we're all about books and shopping, and the friend where we're all about our kids and shopping, and the friend where we're all about eating out and shopping, and . . . well, you get the picture.

I hate making Kenny do "chick" stuff with me, because he never complains. That's why I hate it. He's just so sweet and I hate taking advantage of him more than I already do. So I'm super blessed that I have such fun friends to hang out with in real life. As I get a little older and life gets busier, it's hard to find the time to do it, especially since some of my closest friends still work full-time. But we find a way and we have a fantastic time, every time, even if it's just sitting down to dinner.

I got to hang out with one of my best friends all night Friday and I'll see another one tomorrow. They're kind enough to drive a fair distance to come and see me when my babysitting isn't quite working out. And I come home happier and more delighted than ever to spend time with my husband.

I feel sad for women who have a hard time forming those relationships due to shyness or self-esteem issues. But the ones who drive me straight up the wall are the "other women hate me" types. Dear This-Type-of-Woman: trust me when I tell you that you have ISSUES. Learning to form real friendships with other women instead of attaching yourself to inappropriate males will buy you true happiness, okay? Also, stop going on reality shows.

Speaking of reality TV, I love it. Let's do a round up of last week. The Bachelor: I love Emily, a/k/a Mother Theresa Barbie. I think it's entirely possible she's the first sane woman to ever go on that show. Michelle is not actually crazy--she's shrewd. And Chantal: a tad emotionally unstable. Daddy issues, that's why. American Idol: I love this new panel and don't miss Simon at all. Thought I would, but Steven Tyler is absolutely MAKING this show. Love it. Top Chef: I didn't like Angelo on his season but I did here and was sorry to see him go. I think I want Richard Blais to win. I can't warm up to Dale. Survivor: Um, former federal agent man? Seriously, you said that you were trained to "read people." Trained by who? Emotionally deficient monkeys? You are a train wreck.

Edited to add: If you didn't read Anonymous's comment below, YOU MUST. Dear Anonymous, please be one of my best friends.


Anonymous said...

Preach! I've long held that any woman who says, "I just don't get along with other women. They're all [fill in the blank] and I can't stand it" is not a woman you want to know. (Also in that category: anyone, woman or man, who refers to women as "females" in everyday conversation.) If you cannot get along with an entire gender, there is something fundamentally wrong with you. And in my experience, at least, those women who denounce all other women as being "catty" or "witchy" (ahem) or "not being real" are themselves the cattiest, witchiest ones. (Also, since when does "being real" mean saying whatever is on your mind, no matter how rude or uncalled for? Being yourself and having a filter should not be mutually exclusive.)

Women who hate other women: awesome on reality TV, a pain to deal with in real life.

Kristina P. said...

I could have written this entire post.

The Lovely One said...

So, you know I watch The Bachelor and I'm deeply committed to helping Brad find true love. I love Emily, but I just don't see how he can pick her in the end. How can he possibly compete with the love of her life? She'll come in 2nd, but she won't win. I say it's going to be Ashley, or maybe Chantal!

DeNae said...

I have some wonderful relationships with women, starting with my three sisters, my mom, my cousins, my aunts...

However, I have never been burned by a man the way I've been burned by a few women, and I have to admit I am very careful about the projects, committees, or boards I involve myself in. If they're comprised entirely of women, I will often take a minor role and attempt to fly under the radar.

And I have no patience for drama, which I realize can be fostered by men but usually (at least in my little corner of the universe) is the specialty of women.

Having said all that, let me reiterate, I have some very wonderful, very cherished relationships with several exceptional women.

Eliza said...

But, if I'm a girl who likes girls just fine but really really likes to hang out with boys, that's okay right? I love my girl friends, I just really like boys, okay??

And I agree with a lot of the things DeNae said.

MommyJ said...

I've got some awesome girl friends. There are definitely women out there who like "girl" drama. So I'm just not friends with them.

You know, we're basically TV less this year... we have netflix, and I watch an occasional show online. The only thing I miss is American Idol, I think. I think Jennifer Lopez is stunning. What does she add to the panel? Anything noteworthy?

Kimberly said...

I'm with MommyJ. American Idol is why I miss cable.

And I'm also with you, nodding along with this whole post because when you said "I'm right." well, you really were. Like. A lot.

I don't have many kindred spirits in my neck of the woods, so when Storymakers rolls around I dry to absorb every minute of girly gab time and store it up, camel-like, for the dry spells ahead.

And yes, that's proof that I REALLY need to get out more.

Barbaloot said...

I don't know---no matter how hard I try I just can't seem to get along with other girls. I think they're jealous of how beautiful or successful I am. Or angry that all the boys want to date me instead of them. It's not like I can help that.

Also, that entire paragraph is a huge lie. I'm of to a girls' breakfast in a few minutes!!

~A said...

I'm one of those girls who typically gets along with guys very well... and I don't have many girl friends, but the ones I do, I'm very very close with. Sometimes I just need to escape some of the drama that girls bring sometimes and just sit and watch sports.

And I'm writing a paper for Bible in which I explore Biblical women who instigated political change... and I have to use the word "female" pretty often or I sound SOO redundant. I hate it, though!

Alison Wonderland said...

I'm with DeNae, too many women in a group is often recipe for problems but individually or on the small scale, I dig women too.

Lara said...

Girls are cool. I'm just not one for big crowds of anyone, male or female. :)

But, a good girls' night out is definitely food for the soul. And yes, I'm sure my husband appreciates it when I decide to go to a chick flick or shopping with girlfriends so he gets a pass. Even though he's always willing to go.

Kazzy said...

I agree with you about the importance of hanging out with women. I have certain friends that are my friends for specific reasons. I like small groups, maybe 3 or 4 friends at a time. Where we can have shared, meaningful conversation.

Carolyn V said...

I have some pretty cool girl friends I hang out with. It's awesome to know that I can share all my gossipy things with them. Oh...but I don't gossip. *nervously looking around*

Jana said...

I wonder if I had issues, because once upon a time I didn't do all that well with "females" - but in my defense, that was when I was in High School. I do very well with high school aged girls now. Also, that was before I had sisters. Then I got 5 step-sisters, and I learned a thing or four. But I love girls now. Mine, and my sisters, and theirs, and my friends... all kinds of girls are good girls.

But there is such a thing as too much of a good thing...

**Also - I like option 1 in the previous post. I'm too lazy to wait for another comment box to load.

becca said...

That last thing? That was me - Becca. My kids. They're the kind who leave towels on the floor and don't log out of google. Bah.

Wonder Woman said...

I heard recently that studies have show that girls who are in serious boy-girl relationships in their teen years have a harder time forming relationships with other women as adults. I think they said that the relationship part of your brain is forming then, so whichever kind of relationship you have more of, that's the kind your brain develops best.

I am not articulating this well AT ALL, but I think you get what I'm saying. And I am so glad I had more girlfriends than boyfriends at that time.

p.s. I'm watching last night's Bachelor right now. And honestly, I don't think he's good enough for Emily. We'll see what happens, I guess.

Also, LOVE Steven Tyler! Love that they didn't focus so much on the bad during auditions. And I'm liking J Lo a lot more that I thought I would.

Karen Peterson said...

Sing it, sister!

There have been times in my life where I've spent more time with guy friends than with women. But it's just not the same. We understand things on a completely different level than men do and we need each other. Anyone who is willing to dismiss her entire gender doesn't truly understand herself.

Angela said...

I love my girl friends! When chosen correctly you can truly form eternal relationships. There is nothing like the feeling of coming home to a sweet husband after a good girls night. With that said, I must say the older I get the more in control I am of who I allow my time to. If there is a girl that is too time consuming in a negative way I tend recognize it quickly and shield myself from potential drama. I have too many little kids to allow my precious free time to be eaten up by crazy women. I prefer low maintenance friendships, you know the ones where you don't talk for a while and then go out to dinner and no feelings are hurt and the connection is stronger then ever. Love those!
I have so many reality shows that woo me. I love American Idol!!! I have the autistic screamer and JC as the final two.
As for the Bachelor, Emily is sweet and Brad is at a great place in his life for her baggage. He has his life coach on call right?
Survivor- well my in-laws are convinced Russell and Rob made a pack to stick together once merged. Im not 100% on board with that, but it would be a smart move.

Charlotte said...

I didn't do great with other women until I was an adult. The drama and mind games just bewildered me. But even then I could do one on one okay, it was groups of women that threw me off.

Now I love a girls night out. I've learned to ignore the drama and people who can't handle that usually don't invite me out. I like to think everyone else just grew up, but I'm sure it has something to do with my own maturity, too.

Dedee said...

I love this post.

Except I watch different brands of reality TV so I can't comment on that.

But the whole girl thing? Amen!

Anonymous said...

I have been blessed by having a wonderful relationship with each of my sisters. That has spread to great friendships with several women. I actually have a harder time befriending men because I do not understand them at all. Bachelor Brad will pick Chantal and Emily will be the next Bachelorette. Idol: Love Paul, the guy from Idywild, and rocker dude. The judges are soooo much better this year. Should have done that a long time ago.

Qait said...
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