Randomness!

I started a political debate on my Facebook status update and I totally shouldn't have. I still don't regret the original statement but I got a little big for my britches in the comment trail. Note to self: the original impulse that something is a bad idea is usually the right one.

I was going to get my feelings hurt because I'm pretty sure I'm about to be left out of a carpool because I'm the new girl. I was going to. But then I came home and I played with my little girl and she WANTS to be with me all the time and I am never the new girl to her and it made me happy so I decided not to have hurt feelings. Also, The New Girl on Fox is my favorite new show of the season so far.

My little book finally cracked the Deseret Book top ten list in romance. I rejoiced. And I didn't take an extra piece of chocolate to celebrate. That made me rejoice again. Because I know I'm going to take these last ten pounds off one good decision at a time. We all know BMI kinda doesn't mean much, but I'm finally .04 pounds back INSIDE the normal weight range. Yeehaw.

My sister sent me the booksigning pics from her camera.(Uh, no one better ask me if I'm pregnant. That's a food baby. The last ten pounds I'm trying to lose is all in my stomach. There. Now I've saved us both from embarrassment. Got it? DON'T ASK.) 

Do you recognize this lady on the right?

IT'S SUE! Aaaaaaahhh! She looks amazing, right? I KNOW!

And in one of those weird confluences that happens sometimes, this picture below is our now-mutual friend Cristina. I grew up with her in Louisiana and they ended up in the same ward together in Utah. It's a Small World After All. (You're welcome for the ear worm.)

I would like to point out that I'm a very amazing friend for posting all these pictures where I don't look nearly as photogenic as usual. I'm picking the ones where my friends look the nicest. Proof that I don't usually look pale and bloaty:

Oh, of course the uploader quits working now.

You'll just have to believe me.

And this is my very own little table poster they made at Barnes and Noble. For me! Another fun milestone. 

And here's my faux in-laws who came to support/heckle me. Three guesses who the heckler was. 

And just in case there's anyone who still hasn't rushed right out to get my book and sleep with it under their pillow, you can win it at Donna's blog today. So easy! Click on over and check it out. Donna is a fun, spunky lady I met at LDS Storymakers when she turned up in my boot camp. We had a fun day together talking writing and whatnot. Cabbages and kings, maybe. So comment on there for the book!

But that's not all. Remember how I said that this book is a lot about gratitude? Stay tuned this week for a chance to win the really cool "Grateful Heart" necklace from my husband.

YAY!

Still paddling

So I inadvertently stumbled on a brilliant marketing plan to get people to book signings. It's pretty simple if you don't mind the total loss of your dignity: have a very public breakdown immediately before a big signing. Then everyone you know will come, just to keep an eye on you and make sure you don't lose your . . . ahem, JUNK.


I won't be repeating this particular feat in the future, but as it turns out, the signing I did this past Thursday in Utah was superfantastic. There just isn't a less cheesy word for it. My camera died after the second picture I took and my sister is holding the ones in her camera hostage, but let me sum up:


SUPERFANTASTIC.


It was busy the whole night. I saw writer friends, and childhood friends, and long ago job friends, and blogger friends, and college friends, and friends of my parents, and IT WAS AWESOME.

This is me with Sarah. We've been best friends since we were nineteen and bonded over our mutual love of Audrey Hepburn.

Sarah Eden and Josi Kilpack are really fun to sign with, in case you were wondering. And DeNae came early, brought bottled water, monitored the refreshment table, left late and I didn't even ask her to. She's just made of glitter and fabulousness and it was all knit together with the sure knowledge that she had to keep an eye on me in case I fell apart.


But I didn't! Because DeNae was there. As were SO many of you: Wonder Woman and Vivian (delightful to meet you in real life finally!), Stephanie from Diapers and Divinity, my former editor, my blog friends Kazzy, Becca, and Crash who have become the dearest of friends well outside of blogging. Writer friends I won't claim because they could have just as easily been coming to see Sarah or Josi, but it was really fun to see Julie and Heather and Annette there.

Then the next day I had a lunch with some truly spectacular women:

And I found a lot of peace in this less-than-two-day trip.


There are times I've wondered if writing makes sense for me to do. It's that pragmatic part of me that worries about stuff like whether writing time would be better spent doing other things. But I've come to the very distinct conclusion this past week that writing is what I should most definitely be doing. I'll tell you a couple of stories about why soon, but in the mean time, if you want to hear what a couple of more people thought about my book, you can check out Kazzy's review here and Chantele's review here.


And I'm still trying to figure out how I want to do the next giveaway of my book, so once I've figured it out, I'll let you know. I know I should be a little more on top of my game with that, but to be honest, I kind of cut back on worrying about stuff like that this week in the interest of enjoying my life.


Guess what? It worked.

The War and Peace of blog posts

I keep threatening to tell you about my mini-breakdown. That's why blogs were invented, right?


So when I was little my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He lived. But from about ages 3-8, I had this emaciated, frail chemo bald man living in my house who was quite often blown over by the lightest gusts of wind. And my mom had a few gentle talks with me about how my dad was going to die and what that meant.


It all worked out. I think a thirty year remission counts as cured, right? He still died young, but at 59. Not 29, like they told him the first time. And it wasn't cancer that did him in. Anyway, back to me as a kid. A dying dad is a heavy emotional load to carry, but like most kids, I was resilient. Tough, even. That kind of baggage still takes it's toll, but I found ways to deal with it. 


Like, for example, if I slept with my stuffed animals in a certain rotation, nothing bad would happen. Oh, and if I climbed stairs taking an even number of steps on each leg, then chemo would go well. There were light switch things. And not stepping on cracks things. And counting things.


And wouldn't you know that as my dad got better, these tricks became less and less necessary? 


Yeah, I had OCD. It runs in my dad's family, I guess. He didn't have it, but lots of my uncles and cousins do, most of them not too severely. I didn't even know I had it until I was adult. It's been latent for years.


One thing I did know and that OCD points to sometimes is that I am a control freak. I have always been a control freak. Guess what? Totally another coping mechanism.


What I didn't figure out until about a year after I married Kenny is that I also had some anxiety issues. Again, this is all very obvious in hindsight, but in the anxiety spiral, not so much. And in reading more about this over the past few years and thinking through it and analyzing blah blah blah, this is what I've learned: my anxiety is mild to moderate. I've had only two panic attacks in my whole life. My anxiety isn't chronic and it has identifiable triggers. Maybe once have I ever been in a tailspin long enough that had I realized I was suffering from anxiety, I would have been smart to go in and get some meds to help me manage it until my mood stabilized.


But on balance, my anxiety is usually near the mild end. This doesn't mean it's delightful. Or even a mild annoyance. It's super annoying actually, especially for someone who is highly, HIGHLY logical and sure that ALL things can be thought through and resolved through the mere application of reason.


Um, that's not how anxiety works.


Anyway, it's given me an empathy for people who suffer with this to a far greater degree. It really can't be controlled. But it can be managed.



It took a year of being married to my amazing and patient husband for me to realize that I had anxiety and to understand the triggers, etc. But I got to a place finally where I could let go of a lot of it and just be happy. The letting go took a long time, but it happened.

And that brings us to last week, specifically the tail end of the week where I spiraled into some anxiety. For once, I recognized what was happening. Unfortunately, I couldn't simply talk myself through it. Anxiety is more than stress--it's an extreme reaction to stress involving a lack of control over a situation. Or my form of it is.


There are certain things that I know set me off. I used to think that I was weak if I couldn't handle spinning a million plates at once. Now I realize that I totally can do it but my family pays the price because taking on too much can trigger more than simple stress for me. Also, I know that conflicts in really important personal relationships can cause problems (if I'm the reason for the conflict--that makes me even more anxious). And being excluded from stuff. That causes anxiety, not just hurt feelings (I do this crazy obsessive thing of wondering how I can control everyone's perception of/feeling toward me. Stupid.). And then of course, there's this huge category of Huge Life Events I Have No Control Over.


And trust me, I know everyone deals with this stuff. And most of the time, most of these things cause me stress but no anxiety. Sometimes, though, the stars misalign and Venus and Mars duke it or something, I don't know. But when that happens, normal stress turns into This Big Thing, days of insomnia, freak outs, panic, etc. Like I said, it's been a few years, but last week anxiety came to visit again.


I've already gone into a million billion boring details so I won't bore you with more now. Here's the thumbnail: my road to publication was really easy compared to most people's (I'll tell you the story some time) and it's set up a little disconnect between me and reality. And those two things didn't reconcile for me last week. And suddenly I realized how little control I have over the success of my new book despite my intention to be Supreme Ruler of the Universe and Most Especially My Book. And I am not good at relinquishing control over things that really matter to me (I'm going to be a peach of a mother-in-law). And a book release . . . there's very little I control about that in the first place.


And so suddenly I was dealing with a lot of self-doubt and frustration about lack of control and worry and all kinds of things. And that was the trigger and it all went downhill after that. And then I started getting really frustrated that I couldn't sleep and my brain wouldn't turn off and that I couldn't just talk myself into not being crazy which made the anxiety worse. And off went the merry-go-round.


I did some retail therapy. (Kenny, don't flinch: the following damage was done to discretionary funds, I promise.) It resulted in five new skirts, four cardigans, three sweaters, a necklace, a handbag, a pair of stilettos, two new shirts, and a lip gloss.


Yeah, yeah. I have issues. I GET IT. I think some of that will be going back. Not nearly as much as should go back, but some. Like the kinda cute stuff. I'm keeping the really cute stuff.


Anyway, guess what? That kind of retail therapy only makes things worse because then there's this whole, "I suck and have no self-discipline" fueling the downward spiral. Fun!


And finally Sunday I couldn't take it any more. The one advantage of knowing you're sometimes prone to anxiety and that it only reaches moderate levels at your worst points, is that you can explain it out loud even though you can't talk yourself out of how you're feeling.


And so I talked it out with Kenny. And I cried. And I let it out. And he prescribed nightly back rubs for me. And an afternoon in bed reading a funny book. And then he told me how he felt about my talent and why he feels so strongly about supporting me and it was really inspired, what he said. Then he started praying extra hard for me.


And then I got an email yesterday that was a tender mercy. I'll tell you about it soonish because this post is already so long I don't even want to go back and proof it so bless you if you're still reading.


But I realized: I cannot control the advertising for my book. I can't control who I'm positioned against. I can't control who will take the time to rate my book on Goodreads or other places. I can't control who will come to a book signing. I can't control a million other things.

But I can write a good book that does something good for someone. And I did. And I can be thankful for everything my publisher does for me, and I am. And I'm slowly feeling better. (Although full disclosure: I did buy one shirt, skirt, and handbag mentioned above this morning so I'm not ALL the way there yet). And I'm coming out of it and this has turned out to be a very small blip in the grand scheme of things. And I slept well two nights in a row. And I didn't eat my feelings: A HUGE VICTORY. And my pants were too big this morning and I never felt so excited to look so dumb in a too big pair of pants.


And fun things are happening this week. And I did the right thing for once and scaled down my DO EVERYTHING tendencies and turned my impending road trip into a mini writing retreat. The idea makes me feel calm.


Many of you will ask how you can help because that's how you are. You can't help, because the things I need from you are things I want you to give without me asking. I suck, I know. But that's how it is. Maybe I will become better at asking for what I need and accepting that even though what I get in return is prompted it will still be genuine. Baby steps.


But you can do this if you want: win my book at my friend Brittany's blog. I want to help get her twenty new followers and although I'm trying to move away from goals like that because failing only makes me crazy, I also was all humble bragging to her about how I thought this giveaway would be SO GOOD for her blog. So yeah, you can click over and follow her and maybe I will feel a tad less dorky than usual. I think she started at 29 before the giveaway. 


And if you're still reading this post, I probably owe you chocolate. Which, if you live in Utah, you can come see me at the book signing on Thursday night (B&N in Murray, 6-8) I can give you because I'm bringing homemade mint fudge. And since I'm trying not to eat my feelings, you can do it for me. Although, if I run into cool weather and a good corn chowder up there, all bets are off. Probably I will eat my feelings and be totally fine with it.


Thanks for listening. Seriously.

Winning! Again! Because that's all I ever talk about anymore!

So I had like a mini-three day breakdown. And I'll tell you all about it. But later. Because it's a good-ish story.


What I want to give you now is a chance to win my book. Normally when I ask someone to participate in a giveaway, I choose someone who has a biggish blog following because that equals more potential readers. But this time I asked my friend Brittany who is very new to blogging (maybe . . . May?) because she is easily the first blogger I've seen find her voice so fast. Y'all, she's freaking funny. And you really need to check her out. She just whips out these throwaway lines that kill me. Anyway, go check her out because it's super easy to win NOT MY TYPE this week. Go on. Go over to My Life Herding Cats. I wouldn't lie to you. About this, anyway.


Also, Erin at If You Give a Mom a Moment blogged her thoughts and paid me one of the best compliments ever at the end of it, so it's going a long way toward resolving the mini-breakdown issue.


But anyway, stay tuned tomorrowish and I'll 'splain about this one time I went a little crazy.


For now, I'm off to make a Weight Watchers casserole. Try not to die of jealousy, people.

Come and get it!

I was totally going to be funny today but then I went and cracked myself up over at my other blog, and apparently, I've got it in me only once a day to the funny thing. 


So I'll just announce the winners for the giveaway:


The necklace goes to Wendy Williams and the book goes to Melany (who spells our name wrong but won anyway). However, I have no way to get in touch with Melany so if she doesn't claim her book in 24 hours, but that would be a shame because for the first time ever, Random.org picked the actual last number in the drawing and I think that's cool.


Hasta manana, peeps.

Super fun party people

Reminder: You have until Saturday night to enter and win a copy of NOT MY TYPE. It's super easy: either scroll down or click here and comment. Yay!

I love parties. And this month is full of them. Two book parties and a super cute son turning twelve.

Tonight was a book party and it was a smashing success. Extra smashing because it wasn't literally smashing: nothing broke, all was well, people fed on sugar and conversed and won things and it was lovely to be surrounded by friends.

Here's peeeeeeeeeekcherrrrrrrrrrrs.

I signed with my friend Kristine at this cute cake shop called Nothing Bundt Cakes. Do we look bored? Worried that no one is coming. HA.

THEY TOTALLY CAME!

It was so cute. We set up a little cafe environment outside with thank you cards for people to fill out for someone in their life, truffles, recipe cards, and door prizes. 

 And so then I was happy!

And busy signing books! Lots and lots of books!

 And hoping no one gets mad if their name doesn't get pulled in a raffle. Eep!

Life is good! YAY!

I got swag for you.

Comment on this post.

That's all you have to do to enter to win my book today. Easy enough, yes? Yes.

If you'd like 10 more chances to win my book, copy the button for the new cover over there in my sidebar and stick it in your sidebar. Let me know you did it and you've got another ten entries. I KNOW: super easy.

But wait . . . there's more! A major ingredient in this book is Thank You notes and the main character, Pepper Spicer, learns a little something about gratitude, so ALSO up for grabs this week: a handmade necklace of my husband's own design called the Thankful Heart.

HOOOOOOOOORAAAAAAAAAAAY for new books and excuses to give things away!

Also, Jolene Perry put up one of the most genius reviews I've ever seen, genius because it's simple and perfect and I wish I had thought of this format. You can click over and read what her five favorite lines from the book are. She picked some good ones! Also, if you're an aspiring writer, her blog is a great one to follow.

Also up is Stephanie at Diapers and Divinity's review which even I haven't seen yet, so I'm off to read that right now. I love having Stephanie review my books because she is honest, is incapable of being other than honest about things like this, and it makes me reflect on the character of my characters. So check that one out, too.

Don't forget, COMMENT to be entered to win the book or necklace. Put the button up in your sidebar and get TEN MORE CHANCES (but don't forget to tell me you did it. You can even do it all in one comment. See? Easy).

I remember

I'm a defiant person. I am obstinate and contrary. And when terrorists told me that were going to change the way we did things forever, I said, "Screw you." That's what I do. Shortly after 9/11, I had to fly into Denver for business. The airports were virtually empty except for armed National Guardsmen with their submachine guns slung across their chests.


But I marched through the airport defiantly, glad to take my shoes off to clear security, glad to be one of the few people straggling through the eerie climate of the post terrorist attack airports. No sick, warped terrorists were going to scare me. No way would I let them win. 


It's one way to do it, I guess. 


But last year I met Sally. She was the primary president in our new ward. She's a tall, quiet woman with a soft voice and sweet smile. She has two neat teenage sons. She is kind and humble and you would never know how fiercely intelligent and accomplished she is if someone else didn't tell you. And she greets the whole world with guilelessness, such openness of spirit, that you would never know her brother was on the first plane that crashed into the first tower ten years ago, that crash that made the whole world gasp at once.


I remembered that today when our stake president stood in conference to address this anniversary and honor the fallen. Immediately I wondered how Sally was doing. Then several people were asked to share their testimonies. One elderly gentleman spoke of how the gospel has sustained him through sixty-four years of marriage. One woman spoke of a funny missionary experience in rural Ohio. Another man spoke simply of his gratitude for Jesus Christ. And then Sally's husband stood and talked about this very tender day for them, and of the love they had for the prophets and apostles who reached out to her as a young mother to stand in comfort when she needed comfort in the fog of those days after the towers collapsed and took her brother with them. I think of what I've seen in her in the year that I've known her, her graciousness and lightness of spirit, her simple testimony of her Savior, her surety that she'll see her brother again. And she goes on living the gospel, because nothing that happens makes it less true and so she just keeps on following Christ.


And I think that's the better way to do it.

Hemingway is pretty good.

Tomorrow is your last chance to win this week's copy of Not My Type so click over to iCandy Handmade to enter!


It's that nerve-racking time again when reviews start rolling in. First up is Jenny at Mommy Snark. You can check out her take on it here. (I think she liked it!) Oh, and here's why you should be reading her blog anyway: she's a mom of five who has a funny, snarky (obvs!), and often tender take on motherhood. She's expecting her sixth and shares the joys of the comments she gets from her nosy North Carolina neighbors (bless their hearts). "Here's a pamphlet on where babies come from."


How about some book conversation not related to my book? Yeah, yeah, you thought I was incapable of talking about anything else. All right, snapshot from book club last night:


Mel C: So this kid is emailing my sixth grade daughter. It's darling. He tells her he likes her and he signs his first, middle, and last name.


Book club: Awww, cute!


Me: All three names? Serial killer.


And scene.

Blue Steel, baby!

*Don't forget to enter for your chance to win a copy of Not My Type over at the iCandy Handmade Blog


I'm so not a picture girl. As in I just am not awesome in the wielding of cameras, large, small, or cell phone-esque. 


But I think pictures are fun to look at it. Unless my sister is making me try to put dates to family photos of uncertain origin. Then I don't like it. But besides that I do.


Oh, wait. No, I don't like it too much if I see a BUNCH of pictures of someone's kids I don't know. A little bit is okay, but not so much A LOT. 


But besides that I like pictures.


Anyway, here's two that made me happy this week. This first one I stumbled across on the LDS Storymakers website in the conference highlights section. Becca, the cute lady I'm hugging, is incredibly photogenic. She looks great in every single shot. This one made me laugh because I was attempting to do a Zoolander joke picture and it came out like I'm claiming Becca for my girlfriend. But I live in California and that's against the law still.

Then  there's the other super fun picture I got today from my sister. Since I rarely get to see my books on shelves in the wild, she's been keeping an eye out at Seagull and DB for Not My Type to show up. And it has! Check out the very good company I'm keeping: 

That's me right underneath the awesome Josi Kilpack and next to the highly entertaining Sarah Eden. Hooray!


You guys are all coming to our book launch party, right? On Sept. 22 at the Murray Barnes and Noble? It's going to be so AWESOME. Life is so good!

Get it, girls!

Seriously, want to win my new book? SO EASY. And there's not a lot of entries yet so chances are good. Go check out this post here at iCandy Handmade.


Did I mention it's easy?

Throwing the Book at You

It's my Book Birthday!

I did it! I did it! I made a book! I wrote words and then put them together and named some of them and they turned into people who did stuff and then I had a story! And today is the official release day! WHOOHOO!

This is my favorite of the four I've written and I hope everyone loves it as much as I do. This month is going to be about a lot of chances to win stuff. And a lot of talk about gratitude. And a few tales of crazy people from book signings, their identities changed to protect the guilty. And lots of other stuff.

BUT I AM SO STOKED! Whoohoo!!! Did I mention that part yet?

All right, surely you've seen my cute cover over in the sidebar, yes? 

I love it.

Covenant, my publisher, does so right by me.

If you haven't yet, you can read the first chapter here. And if you want to read more, today is your first opportunity to win it over at one of my favoritest blogs, iCandy Handmade, run by my friends Jen and Autie. It's an easy contest: you just comment and name your favorite fashion indulgence and that's it. Hurry on over and then explore the site, because they do some amazing stuff.

And here's the back cover copy for my cute book:

Twenty-three-year-old Pepper Spicer is not living the dream. She ended her engagement at the last minute because fiance—a musician an soon-to-be reality TV star—wanted her to sacrifice her own career ambitions for his. Now she's stuck at home sharing a room with her little sister, trying to pay off massive debt for a wedding that didn't happen, and spending Friday nights Facebook-stalking everyone who has a better life. Her therapist father urges her to choose her career dreams and count her blessings by writing weekly thank-you notes, but gratitude is a tall order when she botches an important job interview and has to settle for writing an undercover dating web-zine column—the last thing in the world she wants to do. Still, as Pepper (byline:Indie Girl) chronicles her bizarre and hilarious blind dates, she gives her father's challenge a try and slowly finds herself leaving self-pity behind. Life takes a major upswing as Pepper's column hits the big time and she tastes the exhilarating thrill of success. But there's one tiny problem: the intensely hot man she's falling for is having issues with her job (again). Will Pepper trade her personal ambition for another chance at love?

Bookin' it

Guess who was sitting three seats down from me in church today?

You can't guess. It was The Mormon Bachelorette. Her sister, who is a friend of mine, is in my ward and I had no idea they were sisters! Isn't that hilarious given my stalkerish obsession? How lucky for Ashley that I found her! (Actually, this is one of those times where I had a prayer that I didn't even know I had and then Heavenly Father answered it by delivering Ashley right to me and now I have to laugh at how He works sometimes. But this little bit of good fortune is going to make writing my next book much, MUCH easier. More on that another time.) Anyway, if you're not following this season yet, you should. She's cool.

Moving on: Thanks to everyone who calmed me in my little freak out last week. I'm all the way up to #40 and I think it will climb steadily. Here's a fact: my publisher is pretty dang awesome and they want all of their books to succeed and they have faith in me, and readers seem to like my stuff, and my husband has faith in me, so now I will have faith in me.

And here's another fact: this moment of Zen is brought to you by the fact that I was cutting carbs for two weeks and now I'm allowed to have them again and CHOCOLATE MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER. That is why I am thankful for chocolate.

That's probably why I got a kick out of my friend Kristine's new book so much. WARNING: Book reviews ahead. I've read a couple of good things lately that you might like so I will give you my brand new, patent-pending, definitive two sentence statement on why you should buy these books:

First up, I mentioned chocolate and a book and these are two very good things together. Stealing Mercy by Kristy Tate (who happens to be my critique partner) is a fun historical romance/mystery set in Seattle when it was still frontierish. There are lots of pies, a brothel, a ninja, and PIES. Oh, and it's only $2.99 on Kindle right now! Whee!

My friend Sarah and I ditched many a party in college to check out Regency novels at the Provo City library when we'd had enough of real life boys (totally true--we were brats), and Sarah (who is a different Sarah but probably also ditched parties for Regency romance novels) Eden's Seeking Persephone is a REALLY STINKING FUN book. She's a great writer and this is a perfect Friday night read.

Then, of course, there's a slight nip in the air in some places that speaks of  . . . FALL. And Josi Kilpack's book, Pumpkin Roll, is her latest, spookiest, and best installment in her Sadie Hoffmiller culinary mystery series. Also, there's a recipe for a pumpkin roll that is worth the price of admission by itself.

And I've been reading lots and lots of contemporary young adult novels lately, so let me recommend two that I got wind of via the super awesome Luisa and now I owe her big time for the fun reads: Suite Scarlett and Scarlett Fever by Maureen Johnson. They have a kind of I Capture the Castle vibe about them except they're set in this cool art deco hotel in the right now present.

Also so fun: The Ruby Oliver books by E. Lockhart. Ooh, and for pure escapism: The Heist Society books by Ally Carter.

Happy reading, everyone!

Oooooh, and stay tuned for Tuesday when it's my Book Birthday and many fun things begin to happen!

Thankful Thursday

I've discovered I'm neurotic.

No, that's not quite right. I've discovered new levels of neuroses. Yes, that's it.

In addition to the other assorted bits of crazy I have hoarded over the years, now I've developed author issues.

Sigh.

It works like this: when The List came out I was super nervous. What if it doesn't sell? What if nobody likes it? What if Covenant doesn't publish my stuff any more?

But the stars aligned and not only did it sell, it sold well. I had placement in the DB catalog, I wasn't up against any other authors writing to the same audience, and my cover rocked.

I guess that's why I thought the release of my second book wouldn't be so nerve-wracking, I was wrong.

Now I have new fears: what if all the people who bought the first book just to be supportive don't feel the need to buy the second one? What if people bought the first one to try something new but don't find it compelling enough to buy the second one?

And there are other fears: my cover is AMAZEBALLS but what if it looks too YA even though it's perfect for the story (which is not YA)? And I'm being released the same time as Traci Hunter Ambramson who is a MONSTER in this market (deservedly so). And Sarah Eden who is also an A-list Covenant author who also writes romance? And Deseret Book didn't put me in the catalog this time (because I'm a big deal only in my own mind and I know it). And they just barely put the picture of my cover up on their website and my book is debuting at NUMBER FIFTY? I debuted at number 12 before. Yikes.

So I think about these things and I start to hyperventilate.

And that's why I'm thankful for my husband who says things like this:

"Melanie, I know you have lots of friends, but you don't have X,XXX (the number who bought the first book). They bought it without knowing you. It'll be okay."

Who without being asked says, "Hey, I just did all this stuff to your Amazon author page" because it's one of the few things he can control so he immediately fiddled with it when he saw me sliding toward panic this morning.

Who is giving up his one favorite monthly activity and will skip his woodturner's meeting to support me at my book release party (which conflict is totally my fault and he never says a word about it).

Who posts about me on his Facebook page whenever he's proud of me. Which is a lot.

Who humors me in my writing frenzies when my job takes about half the time his does but makes only a twentieth of the money.

I'm really thankful for Kenny. I love you, honey!